Participants:
Series Code: UBR
Program Code: UBR000270A
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00:01 Have you ever been ambushed,
00:02 shot at, or struggled to survive? 00:05 Well, stay tuned to meet a man 00:07 who discovered God's faithfulness 00:09 in the midst of the storm. 00:11 My name is Yvonne Lewis Shelton 00:12 and you're watching Urban Report. 00:38 Hello, and welcome to Urban Report. 00:40 My guest today is Pastor Paul Lowe, 00:43 a man with a dynamic testimony. 00:46 Welcome to Urban Report, Pastor Lowe. 00:47 Please to be here, Sister Yvonne. 00:49 It's great to have you, 00:51 you know, you were on the parent network 00:54 on the Today program. 00:55 And I think Jason interviewed you 00:57 and he said you have a tremendous testimony. 01:00 So we always like to get our folks 01:04 who have great testimonies on to Dare to Dream, 01:07 to share with our Dare to Dream viewers as well. 01:10 So thank you so much 01:11 for being willing to share your testimony. 01:13 Thank you for allowing me to share. 01:15 Tell us about your journey, where were you born? 01:18 I was born in Guyana, South America. 01:22 And how did you end up here? 01:24 Well, my mom first migrated to the U.S. 01:26 about 1968, I was just shy of two years old, 01:31 that mass migration, 01:33 the U.S. was seeking nurses 01:34 and teachers post the Vietnam War 01:37 and the Korean War. 01:38 And so she was successful in obtaining a visa 01:42 to come to the U.S. to serve and in about 10 years later 01:46 our visas would be approved that was just about 1976, 1977, 01:51 that would migrate to Brooklyn, New York from South America. 01:54 Wow! 01:56 So what kind of difference was there for you 01:58 leaving South America and coming to Brooklyn? 02:02 'Cause I'm from New York too. 02:04 So I know there are areas of Brooklyn, 02:06 there are different areas of Brooklyn. 02:08 But coming from South America to Brooklyn, 02:11 what was that like? 02:12 Yeah, the humor that I often share is like 02:14 a transition 02:15 from the tropical jungle to the concrete jungle. 02:18 Yeah. 02:19 You know, and I had a life where in South America, 02:24 in a Christian home, grandma was a lay Adventist minister, 02:28 a church planner, 02:30 strong conservative fundamental type. 02:32 And so the "old time religion" 02:36 was reinforced quite well 02:38 when I was a child. 02:40 So you lived with your grandmother as a child? 02:41 I was raised by my grandma, 02:43 sister and I were raised by my grandma. 02:45 Beautiful jungle, 02:46 coastal area walk across the road 02:49 and I mean the river 02:51 go a little further reach the Atlantic. 02:53 You know, nice beautiful setting. 02:55 Fruit and fruit trees and all that stuff? 02:57 All the fruit trees and all of that 02:58 wonderful stuff, hot days, cool nights. 03:00 Yes. Yeah. 03:02 Just fun living even though 03:05 it may be at a poverty level considered 03:08 or in contrast to U.S. the average U.S. 03:12 middle class, but never felt poor. 03:15 Isn't it amazing how when you're growing up, 03:19 a lot of times you don't realize 03:22 that your family might not have as much as other people, 03:25 you just deal with what you have. 03:27 That is true. 03:29 You know, you don't even realize 03:30 that you're poor if you're poor. 03:31 Sometimes you do. 03:33 I mean it depends on, you know, the situation. 03:34 But you're saying that you didn't even realize 03:37 there was any poverty there. 03:39 And I bet you, the love of your grandmother 03:41 that it sounds like 03:42 that was a very enveloping kind of love. 03:46 Yeah, the support didn't really feel it so much as a child 03:51 because my grandmother as I said 03:53 was very conservative, very fundamental, 03:54 a very strict wonderful person. 03:57 I expect to and strongly confident 04:00 I'll see my grandma in heaven by God's grace. 04:03 But that grace wasn't so easily felt at that age, 04:08 you know. 04:09 Okay, so then let me backtrack then. 04:12 So she was 04:15 strict grandma. 04:18 And she wasn't that affectionate, 04:20 she was more strict than passionate. 04:21 Yes, we come from a matriarchal culture, 04:24 strong women, lineage of strong women, 04:27 strong West African women. 04:29 Grandma was no nonsense. 04:31 You know, when I came to America 04:33 and learned that children were, 04:35 you know, my peer, they were very fond of their grandmas, 04:37 you know. 04:39 So you all talk about your grandparent like, 04:40 you know, cookies and, you know, 04:42 grandma is the person that spoils. 04:44 Yes. Not my grandma. 04:46 It sounds like that's not the grandma 04:49 I kind of knew, you know. 04:50 Mine believe in, 04:52 you know, spare the rod and spoil the child. 04:54 So the rod wasn't being spared at all. 04:57 So you got some serious disappointment. 04:59 Oh, yes. Okay. Okay. 05:01 And your sister was there with you as well. 05:03 So you and your sister 05:05 were raised by your grandmother. 05:06 Yes. Yes. 05:07 How did you feel about your mother 05:09 not being there raising you, 05:11 your grandmother was raising you? 05:12 That was tough. 05:14 That was tough especially considering 05:15 I was not always comfortable 05:18 about being in that environment. 05:21 My mom would visit maybe once every three or four years 05:25 as most... 05:26 This is the story of your average Caribbean 05:30 person of that diaspora, 05:32 right, your average Caribbean migrant. 05:35 So that created, 05:37 that opportunity allowed to us by the U.S. 05:41 It was a blessing and a curse in some sense you could say, 05:44 because it took most of the women 05:48 out of the household because I said, 05:50 they were looking for nurses and teachers primarily. 05:52 So women in the thousands 05:54 throughout the Caribbean in general, 05:56 it wasn't just Guyana, it was Jamaica, Trinidad, 05:57 Grenada, you know, Barbados, 05:59 wherever started to relocate to the U.S. 06:02 because the U.S. opened its immigration ports 06:06 to receive skilled British educated individuals 06:11 who would now fill the vacancies 06:14 for the women that left the home 06:18 to work in the factories during the war, right? 06:21 So then the U.S. was experiencing a deficit 06:24 of its own civil infrastructure 06:26 as it pertained to teachers and nurses. 06:29 So the next best thing for them to do geographically, 06:33 here is the Caribbean and here you have this 06:35 large population 06:36 of British educated individuals skilled. 06:39 Yeah, they can come and they can help this nation 06:42 to be a better place as we help them 06:44 to better their own, 06:45 you know, life goals and so on and so forth. 06:46 But what that did, it removed most of the women 06:50 from our society and left the men 06:54 and that created a bit of an imbalance. 06:56 So I guess my dad didn't want to 06:59 or wasn't capable of for whatever reasons, 07:01 you know, he did not become our like a single parent, 07:06 instead we were raised by our grandma. 07:09 And that's what the model that we see repeated. 07:11 Was he still in the home, your dad? 07:12 No. Okay. 07:14 I saw my dad maybe holiday periods, 07:19 Christmas time, you know, so. 07:22 I would also visit the city to visit my dad's mom, 07:26 that is my... 07:27 She was an East Indian mixed lady 07:29 so I have to differentiate between the two, 07:31 I would say my black mom and my East Indian grandma. 07:35 And so I would visit her in the city at times 07:38 and I would see him at times there, 07:39 but didn't really know my dad 07:42 until I was about age 15 interactively. 07:46 It's interesting to me, like, 07:47 I know of a lot of situations 07:49 where women have left the children in the islands, 07:54 and they've come to the States to work, 07:57 and they send money back home to their kids, 08:00 but they are separated from their children. 08:03 And so I didn't realize that this was really 08:06 a cultural phenomenon in the islands, 08:09 I had put that together that's interesting. 08:12 So in essence, you lost your mom and your dad. 08:15 In essence, I actually remember one of my mom's visit 08:19 was very interesting 08:21 because we travel to the airport in the city 08:24 and waiting for my mom to embark, 08:27 you know, get off the aircraft and so on and so forth. 08:29 And I don't know what she looks like. 08:31 I don't really know who I'm looking for, you know. 08:34 But I'm standing there 08:35 with this sense of excitement and intrigue, 08:38 I'm going to see my mom today. 08:40 And a lady comes up to me 08:42 and just kisses me on my forehead and says, 08:45 you know, Paul Lowe as they, she would call me. 08:48 And, you know, I kind of looked bewildered, 08:51 looked up at her. 08:52 And she said, "I'm your mom," you know. 08:56 And then I said, "Mommy." 08:57 You know, and she just burst out in tears 09:00 'cause she realized 09:01 I didn't recognize her immediately, you know. 09:04 But, of course, immediate bonding 09:06 and I'm happy for three or four days 09:08 and then she's gone to the States. 09:10 And so at what point 09:12 were you reunited with your mom? 09:13 1977, January. January 1977, I was 10 years old. 09:18 And our visas finally came through in 1976 09:21 and then we migrated to Brooklyn. 09:23 And my mom is living in East Flatbush, Brooklyn 09:27 and living in a one bedroom apartment. 09:29 Mom was working four jobs when we came to the U.S. 09:33 to make ends meet. 09:35 And in addition to that she was in school. 09:39 So she started out, 09:40 I think her efforts initially was to pursue 09:44 as I said taught the civil infrastructure 09:45 as a teacher. 09:47 But my mom was an introvert 09:48 and she was a very quiet person. 09:50 And the Brooklyn, New York school system... 09:54 No, she couldn't handle that. 09:56 She couldn't handle that. 09:58 And so I think she quickly focused on nursing. 10:00 Because I had an aunt who was already here 10:03 from earlier in the '60s 10:05 that was a professional nurse head, 10:07 by then did an RN. 10:08 And so my mother decided to pursue that study. 10:11 But she would work, she had one job 10:13 where she worked during the day 10:14 I believe as a caretaker for a family, 10:17 then she had another job in the evening at a... 10:20 It's kind of like a sweatshop, a place that made clothing. 10:25 Then she had another job on the weekend, you know. 10:28 And so I would see my mom 10:33 sometimes maybe three or four times for the week. 10:36 We were both latchkey kids at that time. 10:40 Wake up in the morning 6.30-7 o'clock, 10:43 breakfast is on the table, a bowl of cereal, some milk, 10:45 you know toast, whatever have you. 10:47 Sister and I would have our breakfast 10:49 and then we'd leave for school. 10:51 There school for the day, come home in the afternoon, 10:53 sit down, do my homework whatever it is, 10:55 you know, I'd be out on the street, 10:57 you know, come inside by whatever time my mom said 11:01 try to be inside that was 8 pm, 9 pm whatever. 11:05 And my sister and I take food out of refrigerator, 11:08 you know, before my sister started cooking also 11:11 we would eat, and then we go to bed. 11:14 And I would recall at times briefly, briefly, 11:18 feel a cold fingers on my neck and my face, 11:21 a kiss on my forehead, open my eyes look up, 11:24 and that would be about 1 am or 2 am, 11:26 my mom just getting in from work. 11:28 And then I slept in the living room 11:31 on a pull out bed, 11:32 my mom would go to bed, 11:34 and then my mom would be gone by maybe 5 am, 6 am. 11:39 And so when I would wake up, 11:41 I wouldn't see her except maybe on the weekends 11:44 if it was a weekend that she was at home. 11:46 This is before she became an Adventist. 11:47 I was just going to ask 11:49 were she was an Adventist or church goer? 11:51 She later became an Adventist. 11:52 She was always a God fearing person. 11:54 But at the time we relocated to the U.S. 11:57 my mom was not church going, she was just work going. 12:00 Right. Right. Study going. 12:02 And I'm sitting here listening to you 12:03 and I know that there are so many children 12:06 who are latchkey kids 12:10 who because their parents 12:12 usually is a single mom in many cases. 12:16 They have to make ends meet, so they work all these jobs. 12:21 But then in the meantime 12:22 the children are left without a parent. 12:25 So essentially you and your sister 12:27 were kind of raising yourselves 12:29 because she wasn't there 12:32 because she couldn't be there 'cause she had all those jobs. 12:36 And it's a catch 22, I guess 12:38 because you have to stay afloat so. 12:39 Yes. 12:41 So what did you get into as a result 'cause you're 10, 12:46 you came over here at 10. 12:48 You came from being totally supervised by grandma 12:53 to having essentially no supervision. 12:56 Your sister older or younger? Sister was older. 12:59 So was she kind of babysitting you 13:02 or were you kind of on your own. 13:04 Not really, we both, 13:06 let's take the good and the bad. 13:08 That nurture from my grandma that as I said 13:11 was not pleasant at the time, 13:14 it really was beneficial 13:15 because my grandma helped us both 13:17 to be very independent at an early age. 13:19 My sister knew how to cook, wash clothing. 13:22 And I knew how to cook basic things, you know. 13:23 But then as I said 13:25 you still have the matriarchal culture 13:27 and a culture that's kind of let men get away with stuff. 13:32 I didn't have to be as concerned about cooking 13:34 and all of that at that time. 13:36 But I had the skills, you know. 13:38 I'm a great cook today because of... 13:39 All right. That's good. 13:42 So 10 years old, you guys, are basically, 13:46 you're latchkey kids and doing your homework, 13:51 but you're also out at night. 13:53 Yes. Right? 13:54 What did you get into? 13:56 Yeah, making friends 13:59 before I even started attending school. 14:01 We got here in the middle of a real bad blizzard, 14:04 the blizzard of '77 if you can remember. 14:05 Oh, from the tropics to a blizzard. 14:08 Right smacked into that blizzard. 14:11 And so it took about a month and a half 14:13 before I was actually in school 14:15 because that delayed the whole process. 14:17 So I had a lot of time to look out the window. 14:20 Many of the days we were just there and my mom, 14:23 she did caution us well. 14:25 "Do not go outside, do not open the door, 14:28 do not this, do not, you know, so and so on." 14:30 So she know all the rules. 14:32 And so I would look out the window, 14:34 the window was to a back alley 14:37 because we were in the rear of that apartment complex. 14:40 But I would see stuff 14:42 just looking out the back alley, 14:44 I could see through the alley 14:45 to another street, I see fights, 14:47 you know, every afternoon 14:49 the kids are coming home from school. 14:50 I saw an unfortunate incident of a young lady 14:53 being sexually assaulted right below our living window, 14:58 in that back alley at 10 years old. 15:01 You know, and I'm learning the harsh realities 15:03 of what that environment is like, 15:06 so I'm kind of preparing myself. 15:09 Then I start school finally, and I'm making friends, 15:13 I'm bonding with peers 15:15 with all the children of our Caribbean background 15:17 because teacher could not understand me. 15:21 And I could barely understand some of the other students 15:23 and the teacher. 15:25 So I had a friend, he was from Jamaica. 15:27 And he became my good buddy in my trance 15:29 and he'd tell the teacher what I said. 15:30 And he would explain to me what the teacher was saying 15:32 'cause I couldn't barely understand 15:35 to the best of my ability. 15:37 And I do remember 15:40 one day even though we came in a blizzard as I said, 15:45 deep snow and all of that 15:46 I had never really seen snowfall. 15:51 I came when there was snow on the ground. 15:54 Okay, so then one day the teacher says to me, 15:56 "Paul," just calls me randomly. "Yes, Sir." 15:58 As I would, you know, "Yes, Sir." 16:00 And he said, 16:01 "Have you ever seen snow falling?" 16:03 I said, "No." 16:04 And he says, "Look out the window." 16:06 And I turn and I see, "Oh." 16:09 You know like 16:11 what I saw was 16:13 the little ornaments that we had, 16:15 you shake it up the water in the middle. 16:18 Yeah, it's a little globe thing, 16:20 you see snow falling here and there. 16:22 I ran to the window, I was so fascinated. 16:25 And I actually lifted the window up. 16:28 Teacher was like, "No, no, no. 16:29 Close the window." 16:31 It was this culture shock, 16:32 all this culture shock and fascination. 16:34 And then the other 16:35 is the general challenge of dealing with violence. 16:40 You know, kids are fighting every day, 16:43 you know. 16:46 The whole psychology of survival was so prevalent. 16:51 And you had to master it at this very early age. 16:55 Let's talk about 16:57 because one of the things that I see 17:00 in our urban centers like New York and Chicago, 17:03 I mean, children are really in battle zones. 17:08 You don't even know if you're going to be 17:09 able to go from home to school 17:12 and back without being confronted 17:16 by some kind of violence. 17:18 That's not normal. Yeah. 17:20 It's the norm in that environment, 17:24 but it's not normal. 17:25 You can't... 17:28 We're asking our children to do things 17:31 that we train soldiers to do. 17:33 Yeah, pretty much. 17:35 I mean, it's just. 17:36 So how did you... 17:38 Let's talk about what was going on 17:40 in that neighborhood 17:41 and what you had to do to survive? 17:44 Yeah. 17:45 We're talking East Flatbush, Brooklyn, 17:49 Clarkson 52nd Street Rutland, 17:51 people are familiar with Brooklyn, Remsen Avenue, 17:54 that old picture right there. 17:56 And as I said starting out really wasn't that bad. 17:59 Friends are looking out for me. 18:01 Now one thing different I had not as yet 18:05 been able to register for school lunch, 18:07 you know, the school provides lunch, 18:09 that's a process so we weren't cleared for that. 18:12 So I would walk home for lunch. 18:15 My first casualty if I would say, first incident, 18:19 I get out and kids stay at school for lunch, 18:21 I have permission to go home for lunch and I leave. 18:24 Now my mom as I mentioned, 18:25 she worked for a wealthy family, 18:27 one of her jobs working for a wealthy family. 18:29 This family was kind enough, family in Long Island, 18:32 when they learned that we were migrating 18:34 and they're like, we're going to help you 18:36 get things ready for you and your kids. 18:38 So they bought winter clothing for my sister and I. 18:42 And I guess because this family was well off, 18:44 they bought a good quality coat. 18:47 I know nothing about status symbols 18:50 and, you know, this kind of stuff. 18:51 So they buy well meaning a corduroy coat 18:55 that was called a quarter field, right? 18:58 This was a coat that was made of corduroy and mink, 19:01 the collar was mink, the coat was corduroy. 19:04 In the hood. 19:05 And the body of the coat had down filing. 19:08 So I'm 10 years old so I have this nice, 19:12 for me it's just a coat, you know, what I'm saying. 19:14 It's just a coat. 19:16 It was this green quarter field coat. 19:17 I remember with the brown mink collar and all. 19:21 One day just walking home, you know. 19:23 Actually, the friend that used to translate for me, 19:28 the first day I wore the coat to the class, 19:30 came in the class, said "Whoa!" 19:34 Yo, you know the kids were like, "Yo, that's you." 19:37 You know, I don't know what they're talking about. 19:40 You wearing that coat in the hood. 19:42 What do you mean, that's me. Yo, that's you. 19:44 I'm like, "Whatever Mate, you know, go, sit down." 19:48 And then the friend said to me, he leaned over and he said, 19:50 "You strap?" 19:52 I don't even know what that meant? 19:54 Like what? So you strap in? 19:56 They wanted to make sure do you have a belt on? 19:58 Yeah. What do you mean I'm strapping. 20:00 So, yo, you got a gun, you got a knife? 20:03 I'm like, "No, I'm fifth grade." 20:05 This is fifth grade. 20:06 Fifth grade and they're asking you 20:08 do you have a weapon. 20:09 That's right. 20:10 And he said to me, he answered me, yo, 20:12 I hope you know how to throw your hands, 20:13 I hope you know how to fight, shorty as they nicknamed me. 20:16 Yeah. And I thought nothing of it. 20:18 So I'm walking home and I passed three guys 20:22 leaning up on a car, smoking, you know, smoking weed, 20:25 that is reef as we called it back then, they smell it. 20:29 And how old are they? Are they older or teenagers? 20:31 They're teenagers. Okay. 20:32 Yeah. The youngest may be 16. 20:34 So these are guys from the high school 20:36 they come in, or a junior high school, 20:37 they come and hang out. 20:39 And so one guy kind of steps off, 20:41 he said, "You know, Shorty, come here." 20:43 You know, just calls to me. 20:45 "Me?" "Yeah, you come in, Man." 20:47 So I turn around 20:49 and start walking back to the guy, 20:51 guy takes the joint out of his mouth and he said, 20:54 "What you want to do for that coat?" 20:56 I don't understand what that means at that time. 21:00 "What do you mean what I want to do for my coat?" 21:02 I said to him. 21:03 I said, "What do you mean what I want to do for my coat?" 21:05 Said, "What do you want to do for that coat?" 21:08 And that's basically saying get ready to defend yourself 21:11 'cause I'm going to take your possession. 21:13 So I wouldn't even know what that meant either, 21:16 I mean I would have been like what do you mean 21:18 what am I going to do for that coat, it's my coat. 21:20 Like what? Exactly. 21:22 So what did you think he was saying to you? 21:25 I had no idea, man. 21:27 But the guy didn't waste any time. 21:29 The guy step forward and grabbed me. 21:31 He grabbed on to the collar of the coat 21:33 and started to pull the coat open. 21:35 I was quiet, I was timid. 21:37 But even then I would fight to defend myself. 21:41 So I started to resist. 21:43 I held on to his hands, and we got into a struggle, 21:45 started to punch me in my head 21:48 and my face repeatedly trying to get me 21:50 to let go of his hands and let go off the coat, 21:52 I would not. 21:53 Now the other two gentlemen... 21:55 The three of them could easily overpowered me. 21:58 But the other two guys, they were kind of amused 22:02 by the fact that I was fighting back. 22:05 And he couldn't get the coat away from me 22:06 so then they just became audience. 22:09 And the two of us are going 22:10 and eventually we fell to the ground. 22:12 And when we fell to the ground, 22:14 I managed to get wrestle myself away from him, 22:17 got up and I started to run, 22:18 and the three of them started to chase me. 22:20 I slipped between two parked cars and he fell. 22:24 So I got more distance and when he got up, 22:26 his friends were laughing at him. 22:27 I guess he's more upset now. 22:29 All three of them which is now get about 22:31 maybe a distance of two blocks. 22:32 And I'm right on the corner of the block where I live. 22:36 And by then because I'm smaller they caught up with me. 22:39 And I just felt this heavy thump in my back, 22:43 you know, like he punched me in my back real hard 22:45 to knock me to the ground, stumbled a little, 22:48 gain my balance, continued running. 22:49 And when I turned around, 22:51 I just saw the three of them standing there. 22:52 They stopped chasing me. 22:54 And so I ran, walked, ran, got to my building. 22:58 You know ran through the door, ran upstairs, of course, 23:01 shaking, sat there, look through a window 23:03 and all of that. 23:04 I don't even think, 23:06 I waited about an hour 23:07 and then went back to school following a different route. 23:12 Get back to school and I'm late. 23:14 I get back maybe half an hour late. 23:17 Class is already in session. 23:18 So I walk in, everybody is looking at me. 23:20 The rule then you have to put your coat in the closet. 23:24 You couldn't sit in the classroom 23:25 with your coat. 23:27 So I forgot, I sat down. 23:30 So, Paul, "Can you please get up 23:32 and put your coat in the closet." 23:34 "Yes, Sir." 23:36 And I stood up and started to take the coat off, 23:37 and the friend behind me said, another expert, 23:40 "Whoa. Dude, yo, look at your coat, bro." 23:45 And then I'm like what happened to my coat? 23:47 And he said, "Look at your coat." 23:49 So I took the coat, laid it flat on the desk, 23:52 and the coat had about a foot long gash in the back, 23:57 with all the down feathers hanging out 24:00 right down to the last layer to the nylon layer. 24:04 So that oomph that I felt wasn't a punch, the guy cut me, 24:08 he tried to cut me. 24:09 He's basically trying to... 24:11 He would have stabbed you. 24:12 Trying to stab me, trying to slice something out, 24:14 cut the coat completely open. 24:16 Oh, my... 24:17 You know, I just stood there like looking at my life, 24:22 you know. 24:23 So then... 24:25 That's why they were standing there looking at you. 24:28 Waiting to see what happens because I don't know 24:30 if he was questioning, well, did I hit him 24:33 or did I not hit him, did I cut him 24:35 or did I not cut him, maybe enough damage is felt. 24:37 You know, in his frustration I think he just slashed at me. 24:41 But he reinforced this sense of, 24:46 you better do something to survive. 24:48 You're not going to survive this place daily just, 24:51 you know, without being proactive 24:54 about having a plan of action. 24:56 So I would fast forward a few years, 24:58 you know, about I would say I started to react to violence 25:03 with violence like about age 13, 14, 25:07 by that time I had stopped going to church. 25:10 Woke up on my 13th birthday and told my mom 25:12 who by then was church going, became an Adventist 25:14 after seeing us get baptized by a Dr. Clifford Jones. 25:19 Oh, yes. Yes. 25:21 Our home church was Brooklyn Faith. 25:23 And interestingly we were, 25:25 my sister and I were part of the original eight members 25:30 of Brooklyn Faith that met in a basement 25:32 on 52nd Street at Sister Taylor's home, right? 25:36 So we are charter members of Brooklyn Faith 25:38 you would say. 25:40 Out of that little eight people, 25:41 you have Brooklyn Faith that exists today. 25:44 So I tell my mom 25:48 on my 13th birthday 25:50 which happened to be on a Sabbath, 25:52 I'm not going to church. 25:53 Mom says, "Why, son? 25:54 It's your birthday. 25:56 Better reason to give God praise" 25:57 I said," You told me, I keep asking 25:59 when I'm going to be allowed to make my own choices." 26:02 And you said, I'll be allowed to make my own choices 26:05 when I start to become a teenager, 26:06 you know, getting of my manhood so to speak. 26:10 Well, I'm 13, I don't want to go to church. 26:13 That was it. I stopped going to church. 26:16 Mom said, "I'll see you at divine hour." 26:18 As she was pulling the bed, I said, "No, you won't" 26:21 because I had made my mind though, 26:23 it's like, I told my mom all this stuff, 26:27 you know, pathfinders and walking with that uniform 26:30 and walking on a street with a Bible. 26:33 If you value my life, you know, 26:36 you'll understand what's going on out there. 26:39 So stopped going to church. 26:42 Were you being ridiculed for being a church boy 26:45 or anything like that? 26:47 Not really ridiculed. 26:48 But you definitely are recognized as someone 26:52 who is not ready to cope, you know, with street life. 26:55 Soft. 26:56 Soft, you know, whatever else other adjectives 26:59 they would put there. 27:00 Right. 27:02 So I had a baby face, 27:03 still kind of have a baby face on all of this grey hair. 27:06 And I was short, but I was bold, 27:12 you know, always as a kid never afraid to try things. 27:15 So older friends in the neighborhood 27:18 realized that and then I would be the guy 27:21 that would carry a pistol 27:22 when we go to block parties 27:24 or if they were going to do a break in, 27:27 going to break into a store or something like that, 27:30 or at home I would stand, 27:32 I'd be the person standing outside with a pistol. 27:36 As I said it was a house party or a street party 27:38 because the police wouldn't check me 27:40 if police showed up or someone older 27:42 'cause I am then 14, 15, 27:44 but I look like 12, 11. 27:48 And once, you know, 27:50 things would get to the point of some need for violence, 27:53 then they would find me 27:55 and just start ripping my clothes apart 27:58 to get the pistol, you know, say, 27:59 give me the tool, and I'd give them the pistol. 28:02 Were you part of a gang or was this...? 28:04 You know, we didn't have gangs in the official definition. 28:08 It was more what we call the posse, you know. 28:11 And so the difference between a gang 28:13 and a posse is a posse comes together for a part 28:17 just like in the West, 28:18 just like in Eastwood movies and so. 28:20 The sheriff or whoever calls up the posse, 28:22 they come together 28:23 for the purpose of getting some bad guy. 28:26 And then it's disassembled. 28:27 So the neighborhood, 28:28 we moved in groups called posses, 28:31 you know, and this is the Caribbean cultural 28:34 from the killer. 28:37 What were you thinking spiritually 28:39 the less you went to church... 28:44 Where were you? 28:45 Where was your head 28:47 after you stopped going to church and all that? 28:48 Where you feeling any kind of pull? 28:50 I felt liberated initially. 28:53 I felt liberated. 28:54 I was always seeking. 28:56 I was always seeking God. 28:57 So once I stopped 28:59 going to the Seventh-day Adventist Church. 29:00 Then I think by age 15, 16, 29:05 I started to familiarize myself with Islam 29:07 and I became a Five Percenter. 29:10 So the Five Percenter movement was very prevalent in Brooklyn. 29:12 Very popular. 29:14 That the two, if you're talking gangs, 29:16 two largest gangs 29:18 was the Five Percenters and Zulu Nation. 29:24 Five Percenters and Zulu Nation. 29:26 Zulu Nation was for the Bronx and Manhattan 29:29 and the Five Percenters were more 29:30 in Queens and Brooklyn. 29:32 They eventually took over all the boroughs, 29:33 but that's how it kind of started out. 29:36 And so I became a Five Percenter. 29:37 And when that did not satisfy my search, 29:41 the Caribbean migration began to increase 29:43 more and more, 29:44 Caribbean people are settling in Brooklyn, 29:47 the neighborhood is becoming more and more Guyanese, 29:49 Jamaican, Haitian etc, etc. 29:51 And so I started to familiarize myself 29:54 with my roots, I start become Rastafarian, 29:56 started to twist my hair, I smoke weed, 29:59 you know, the whole dance culture 30:02 and all that kind of stuff. 30:03 So I was always searching. 30:05 And when that did not satisfy my search 30:07 and I just started to float, 30:08 you know, started to basically worship me, you know. 30:12 With the Five Percenters, I mean that whole idea of, 30:16 you know, they call each other God. 30:17 Correct. 30:19 Because the idea is that you are God, and you are God, 30:23 and you are God. 30:24 Yes. 30:25 The men, the male, we were God, 30:27 the females were earth. 30:29 Oh, the females were earth. 30:31 Females were earth and we the males were God. 30:34 So, okay, step all over earth. 30:35 Is that how are we. 30:37 Well, that how it work? Okay. 30:39 It was the Islamic cult. 30:43 So the Five Percenters are an offshoot of Islam? 30:47 It's actually an offshoot of the Nation of Islam 30:51 which is an offshoot of Islam. 30:53 And the Five Percenters were actually, 30:55 Louis Farrakhan had a lot to do with the starting of it. 30:57 He wasn't the person that started 30:58 but he had a lot to do with its embryonic stage. 31:01 And they were the militant right arm 31:03 of the Nation of Islam. 31:05 And the Five Percenters believe that form of black supremacy, 31:10 but also black survival. 31:13 And that we should do everything that we can do 31:16 to protect our families and ourselves. 31:18 There were some positive virtues. 31:21 But then the whole hate of every other group 31:25 and the violence, you know, 31:27 react with everything was addressed, 31:29 responded to or addressed with great violence. 31:33 Isn't it interesting how Satan, he can mix some good, 31:39 you know, give you a little bit of ethnic pride 31:41 so that you feel comfortable with who you are. 31:43 But it goes beyond that, it goes into superiority, 31:48 it goes into hatred. 31:51 You know, he can take you, 31:54 to me there's nothing wrong with feeling comfortable, 31:56 in fact, you should be comfortable 31:58 with who you are, 31:59 whether you're black, white, whatever you are. 32:01 Be comfortable in your own skin. 32:03 But he wants to take you further than that. 32:06 And have you despise people who aren't the same as you. 32:10 Absolutely. 32:11 And so is very interesting how and we talk about this 32:14 on Dare to Dream a lot and on Urban Report. 32:17 How Satan's plan is to just take you 32:19 in this downward spiral until you're destroyed, 32:24 your character... 32:26 Everything. Everything is just destroyed. 32:29 But God wants to give you the abundant life. 32:32 So as you were doing all this searching, 32:37 each thing, the Five Percenters, 32:40 Islam and all that, 32:41 none of it was giving you what you needed to get. 32:45 Where were you? Correct, correct. 32:47 I still didn't have the sense of security that I was seeking 32:52 in terms of who is God, why am I here, 32:56 what is my purpose. 32:57 And, you know, what I want to share with you 32:59 is or anyone listening is God's faithfulness. 33:03 Because starting all of this, 33:05 you know, God did start a good work if I can see 33:07 even through my grandma and even through the suffering 33:10 that I experienced in home, 33:12 in the nurture or the rearing of my grandma. 33:16 Christ was there, He showed up a lot. 33:18 You know, I met Christ at the very early age 33:21 as a child outside of religious or indoctrination. 33:26 Because as I said, I was always seeking, 33:28 I was always seeking 33:29 based on the hurt, and the pain, 33:32 and the suffering that I was experiencing 33:34 as a child. 33:35 So now one day I stumbled, 33:38 I was looking through some stuff maybe 10 years ago, 33:42 and I found a license. 33:45 One of my driver's license from New York. 33:49 And, you know, it serves no purpose anymore 33:52 so I was going to throw away this. 33:54 You know what? 33:55 I stared at that license, 33:57 I said, "Man, this is what I used to be. 33:59 This is exactly what I used to look like. " 34:01 Were you high 34:02 'cause you look little high on in the picture? 34:04 Yeah, the morning I was. 34:05 Because it was customary early in the morning, 34:07 we'd be on the street corner, we drink, 34:09 we smoke before we go into class. 34:12 And so that morning, 34:14 now I wasn't in high school then, 34:16 I had finished high school. 34:18 But, you know, still in the same surroundings. 34:21 And so I contrast that license 34:25 to my passport picture 34:28 which really gives an image of how I looked as a child, 34:33 the sweet, innocent, tender, you know, trustworthy, 34:36 harmless, you know, da-da-da. 34:39 So God remained faithful through all of that. 34:42 And as you were saying, 34:44 the devil pulls you 34:46 as deep as he can until you're like 34:48 at a point of no recovery. 34:50 And then when you yourself realize 34:51 that you don't even want to be recovered. 34:53 You know, you just feel that down here 34:56 is where you belong, 34:57 you know, I've messed up so much, I've wronged so much. 34:59 I've done so much that is wrong, 35:02 surely God can't love me after this. 35:05 People can't love me and God can't love me, 35:07 you know. 35:08 And through all of that, 35:10 God would reveal Himself repeatedly 35:13 reminding me in some way or another 35:15 that He did. 35:17 Give us an example? 35:18 Yeah, I tell folks some of my greatest prayers. 35:20 And I prayed today and I pray earnestly. 35:25 But I got to confess 35:26 some of my most earnest prayers occurred 35:29 when I really didn't have that abiding faith so to speak. 35:34 And they were often in the middle of shootouts. 35:39 There are more, I was involved in more shootouts 35:42 than I can share with you. 35:44 So people would say something like, 35:46 so tell me about something miraculous that happened. 35:47 I can't, it's too many. 35:49 We'll be here or till I don't know when. 35:52 There are so many miracles that I experienced. 35:54 But I do recall, you know, calling, 35:57 putting myself in a fatal position, 36:00 and hearing the bullets, 36:02 you know, getting louder and louder, 36:03 closer and closer 36:05 in this one incident in the club. 36:08 And when the smoke cleared so to speak, 36:12 the friend right next to me was hit. 36:15 I had a debris from his tissue stuck on my clothing, 36:20 in my hair. 36:21 You know, I came home with my clothes 36:25 spotted with his blood. 36:27 And incidents like that over and over, 36:30 you know, where I'm praying, 36:32 "God, please get me out of this situation 36:33 and if you do I will. 36:35 You're making all these quit pro co-contracts with God 36:38 and some of us do. 36:40 And, of course, I broke them 36:41 as soon as I got out of that place. 36:43 And I was, you know, well on my feet again, 36:46 you know, it was back to the same. 36:47 I also had a lot of close calls as far as accidents. 36:51 I rode motorcycles, you know, that I love riding, 36:54 racing bikes, you know, Ninjas and Honda CBRs and Hurricanes 37:00 and all these real fast powerful street bikes 37:03 that we rode back then and raced on the street 37:05 and I had accidents. 37:07 I raced, I drag race also for recreation cars. 37:11 And, you know, these popular venues 37:14 we would go block off the street, 37:16 they'd steal cars and then because the car was stolen, 37:19 you don't really care what you do with it 37:21 so you go race all out for title, or for money, 37:25 or for whatever have you. 37:26 And I had accidents racing. 37:29 But I always ended up being able to walk away 37:32 from a lot of those incidents, a lot of those challenges. 37:35 And did you recognize at that point that, 37:40 "Hey, why is it that 37:42 I'm the one that still surviving? 37:44 Why is it that I'm the one that's walking away 37:47 from these accidents?" 37:48 Did you realize that God must have a plan? 37:50 Yes, yes. 37:51 There's something else going on here. 37:53 You know, Yvonne, today I rejoice 37:57 in every miracle that God did. 37:59 But it was also bittersweet because there were times 38:02 that I lost friends that clearly 38:05 if we're measuring by virtue, and integrity, 38:08 and so forth, "a good person, " 38:11 they were a much better person than I. 38:14 And I questioned often at their funeral looking down 38:17 in that casket, "God, why him?" 38:20 You know, because some of those friends 38:21 that I lost they were, 38:23 you know, be careful how you look at street kids, 38:26 you know, because we're all wearing the same uniform. 38:28 And, of course, this is the general challenge 38:30 for law enforcement also. 38:32 We're all wearing the same uniform. 38:33 And so it's easy to look and say that one 38:36 is an absolute such and such. 38:38 But there are some kids who are in the uniform 38:40 but their heart real good. 38:42 They really don't have a violent spirit, 38:44 they don't steal, they don't rob, 38:46 they don't do any of that stuff, 38:47 but they look just like all of their peer 38:50 that are doing or are involved in some degree of deviance 38:54 or whatever have you. 38:56 And some of those friends got caught up 38:57 and they became victims for whatever reason, 39:00 I will only know when I get to heaven. 39:02 You know, why God allowed them and not me. 39:05 So for some time I'm in trouble and I'm grateful, 39:07 I'm grateful for all those incidents 39:09 that I did survive. 39:11 But yeah, you know. 39:14 So how did God finally reach you? 39:17 What happened? 39:19 What was the pivotal event that turned your life around? 39:24 I would say finally, I had matured, 39:27 I got off the street, and I never was the kind, 39:31 I never had an interest in standing on a street corner 39:33 with a loaded nine millimeter, selling marijuana or coke. 39:37 That just wasn't me. 39:39 Though I got involved indirectly 39:42 in that type of lifestyle also. 39:45 But I got for myself mixed up more in, 39:51 I don't know how to say it like white collar stuff, 39:53 you know. 39:54 And stuff, illicit practice 39:59 that didn't have me directly involved 40:02 in face to face conflict, right? 40:04 And dealing as a middle person often connecting two people 40:08 for something that needed to be done 40:11 and then I get a cut in this kind of stuff, 40:12 you know, right? 40:14 So I started a career in aviation, 40:18 back up a little bit. 40:20 I was involved in a shooting at one point, 40:22 lead to the death of a person. 40:23 I did not kill the person but I was a primary suspect. 40:27 Person killed a friend of mine and we were retaliating. 40:29 And then that person was lost in that incident. 40:32 And so the police were questioning me 40:35 and the friends of the individual 40:37 that died wanted to kill me. 40:40 And so my mom got together, 40:43 you know, aunty this, uncle that, cousin that, 40:45 typical Caribbean practice, 40:47 this person put five bucks, this person put 10, 20, or 100 40:50 whatever you to bought a ticket like within three days 40:53 they told me, "I was going to Florida for a funeral 40:55 'cause a relative had died." 40:57 When I got to Kennedy Airport and I was questioning 40:59 why my cousin, older cousin, and one of my mom's friend 41:03 had to travel in the cab sandwiching me in the middle. 41:07 Get out there and we're at the ticket counter 41:08 and I see my mom take up my passport. 41:10 "Why you have my passport? Just going to Florida." 41:12 "Son, you're not going to Florida, 41:14 you're going back to Guyana." 41:15 Put me on the plane and sent me back to South America. 41:17 She got you out of there before they killed you. 41:20 Right, so I was in South America 41:22 for almost a year. 41:25 With your grandmother? 41:26 She had already passed. Okay. 41:28 Yeah, so I'm there and I'm just living the life, 41:32 I'm actually in practice and doing worse 41:35 than I was doing in Brooklyn. 41:37 Oh my word 41:38 'cause you're bringing those values back into... 41:41 Yeah, yeah, U.S. culture 41:42 in terms of intoxication 41:44 and the other stuff, you know. 41:46 I'm not doing well, got Rastafarian cousins 41:48 and I'm doing what Rastafarians do. 41:50 Rastars, yeah. 41:52 In the morning smoking and all this kind of stuff. 41:54 But something happened that did help me 41:57 to have a different focus while I was there 42:01 because I had a cousin who then in conversation 42:03 just started pouring her heart out to me. 42:05 And she was saying like I said, "Why are you crying?" 42:08 And she said, "If I could only have the opportunity 42:11 that you have had to go to the U.S.," 42:13 because she was brilliant, she had three scholarships, 42:15 one to Russia, I think one to Romania 42:17 and maybe China somewhere else I think to study law. 42:22 And she didn't see it as any value. 42:25 And she wanted to come to the U.S. and study. 42:27 And so she was depressed, she said, 42:29 "In my life I'm sick of people telling me how smart I am 42:32 while I'm sitting here in this nation 42:36 that's sort of communism, I have no future," 42:39 you know and so on and so forth. 42:41 And I'm listening, listening, listening. 42:42 And I said, "Wow." 42:44 Here I am in my concern right now 42:48 when I get back to Brooklyn 42:50 is where I'm going to find bullets. 42:53 'Cause a gun without bullets serves no purpose 42:57 or where I'm going to find a bigger gun 42:59 and for a while I used to sell guns. 43:01 So that was one of the things that I started to do. 43:04 In Guyana? No, no, in Brooklyn. 43:05 Oh, in the States. 43:06 So I'm sitting there 43:08 and I'm scheming as we would say, 43:11 "When I get back to New York what I could find 43:15 as the most lucrative, 43:18 deviant, safe practice." 43:22 I try to put those three together. 43:23 Right. Right. 43:24 You don't want to be too out there, 43:27 but yet you want a lot of money. 43:29 Yeah, and I want to live. And you want to live, right? 43:31 And you don't want to go to jail. 43:33 There you go. All of the above, right? 43:35 And that's my pride. 43:36 I'm saying, "This is what I'm thinking about. 43:39 And this is what I'm doing 43:41 with the opportunity that I've had 43:43 to be in this nation 43:44 and with my mom and make something of my life." 43:46 That started my transition. 43:48 So I returned. I'm motivated. 43:50 I was a bright kid, I was a bright kid. 43:52 I would go to school, my last two years, 43:55 I was hardly in school. 43:56 I would only go to take the state exams. 43:59 And then often I would hang out with friends in the park 44:02 and they would rob other kids, 44:04 and we'd smoke and drink, and all of this thing, 44:06 do silly things. 44:08 And then I had an accident, and broke my leg, 44:12 and I was out of school for the last year for a while. 44:15 And so, but I managed to get into college. 44:20 And my first degree 44:22 I received was in aeronautical engineering. 44:26 Couldn't find work in that field 44:27 because I wasn't the citizen at the time. 44:29 So I went back to school 44:31 after interviewing with Grumman, 44:32 and McDonnell Douglas, and Fairchild, and the Boeing, 44:35 these other companies can't get hired. 44:38 Returned and received a degree in Aviation Management. 44:42 And worked in the field of aviation for about 11 years. 44:45 But that brought challenges also. 44:48 So then I finally start to hear God's call 44:52 when I was transferred, 44:54 I accept a transfer from New York to Miami 44:57 because of what I was involved in. 45:00 So to keep myself safe because one friend 45:03 had been shot in both knees, 45:05 just caught him in the parking lot one night, 45:07 put him on the ground, and shot him in both knees. 45:10 And then while he was in the hospital 45:12 on a bed warrant 45:13 because the police is investigating the shooting, 45:15 they get warrant, raid his house 45:17 and they find money and narcotics. 45:20 And so another friend flees the country and then calls 45:24 and tells me your time is limited. 45:30 I'm out of the country now. 45:31 And I would advise you to do the same. 45:33 Well, I couldn't leave the country at that time, 45:36 accept the transfer and relocated to Florida, 45:39 started over. 45:40 That's where God finally started to speak to me 45:43 and I ended up befriending a gentleman 45:45 who used to work at a bar, 45:47 he would always invite me to church, 45:49 I would always tell him, "No, but pray for me." 45:51 And then at this one point where now I am a manager, 45:56 I'm an aviation manager, operations manager 46:00 and the stress of that job was just consuming me. 46:04 I was 26 46:06 and the next youngest manager was 57. 46:10 So which I guess lends 46:13 to how God had blessed me career wise and so on. 46:17 But the job was extremely stressful. 46:19 All my managerial peer 46:21 were on some form of substance abuse 46:23 who wasn't sniffing cocaine, was using some kind of speed, 46:27 and who wasn't doing that was an alcoholic, etc, etc. 46:30 And so I literally felt myself dying from the stress. 46:36 And realize I needed something different, 46:38 started reaching out to my mom, opening my heart to her. 46:41 My mom would pray with me on the phone. 46:44 And little, by little, by little, 46:46 I remember this friend's invitation 46:48 and then one day, I said, 46:49 listen, would you invite me to your church. 46:52 Yeah. I'm ready to go. 46:55 And I went, and at that time 46:56 the church was having a revival. 46:58 And experienced that revival 47:01 and eventually gave my heart to the Lord. 47:04 Now once I came into the church, 47:06 you know, you go from one extreme to the other. 47:09 So now because 47:11 I'm being arrested by my own guilt 47:12 of all the things I did in those early years 47:15 that I could not replace. 47:17 This is what I tell kids today when I talk to them, 47:19 I say while they're out there, I say, "Look, man, 47:21 while you're out here and you're surviving. 47:24 You probably got a plan to come back. 47:26 But know this, 47:28 when you come back, when you do, 47:29 if you do there are things that you cannot undo." 47:34 And there are things that I still struggle with 47:36 in terms of remorse and guilt. 47:38 I know God has forgiven me. 47:40 But the fact that I can't put those things 47:42 back in those people lives, 47:44 you know, that I may have been responsible for directly 47:47 or indirectly, you know. 47:49 So it's a great consequence. 47:52 So I go from one extreme to the other. 47:56 And I happen to be part of a church in Salt Florida 47:59 that was extremely fundamental, extremely conservative. 48:01 So like my grandma's environment, 48:03 I got a lot of the old time religion. 48:05 I got a lot of what I need to do to be saved. 48:09 I got a lot of salvation by works, 48:11 but I really yet have not met Christ. 48:14 Right? 48:16 It wasn't until years later I had already been a pastor 48:19 maybe six years I would say, 48:22 until I finally stumbled upon 48:24 what an abiding relationship in Christ is like, you know. 48:30 And tell us how that has impacted your life. 48:33 Oh, tremendously because 48:34 then as I said this is about God's faithfulness. 48:37 And what I never had through all of this experience 48:40 even though God remained faithful, 48:42 God ransomed me, God rescued me. 48:45 I didn't have this sense of assurance. 48:48 It just wasn't there. 48:49 And the reason why that sort of assurance 48:51 wasn't there is because 48:52 I was always seeing myself as the saving agent. 48:56 So Christ died to save my life that I could save myself. 49:01 And that was my formula. 49:03 And there are a lot of us 49:05 still living like that as Christians. 49:06 Yes. 49:07 This is so important, 49:09 this is the righteousness by faith concept, 49:12 is it not? 49:14 The faith element. 49:15 There's a quote that I can share with you 49:17 that made a significant difference 49:20 if I can share and this is from a W. W. Prescott 49:25 is the name of the author. 49:28 And I want to just read it to you as it is. 49:32 You know what? 49:33 And I'd like for you to read it to our viewers 49:36 because I want them to know, 49:39 you know, you've been through a lot 49:41 and you have found the Lord, 49:43 but you hadn't found 49:45 this whole idea of righteousness by faith. 49:46 Yes. 49:48 My assurance was in being a vegetarian. 49:50 Yeah. 49:51 My assurance was in strictly observing the Sabbath. 49:54 My assurance was understanding the prophecies of scripture 49:57 or of the church, 49:59 understanding the fundamental teachings of the church, 50:01 addressing a certain way, 50:02 you know, decorum and lifestyle became my assurance. 50:06 Is what you could do. Yeah. Yeah. 50:08 Not what Christ had done. 50:10 Yeah, let's hear it. 50:12 His confession is this, "For a long time, 50:16 I tried to gain the victory over sin, but I failed. 50:21 I have since learned the reason instead of doing the part 50:25 which God expects me to do and which I can do. 50:29 I was trying to do God's part 50:31 which He does not expect me to do 50:34 and which I cannot do. 50:37 Primarily, 50:38 my part is not to win the victory. 50:43 But to receive the victory 50:45 which has already been won for me by Jesus Christ. 50:51 My difficulty was due to this 50:53 that I did not give heed to the fact 50:56 that victory is a gift. 51:00 Already won 51:02 and all ready to bestowed upon all 51:06 who are willing to receive it. 51:08 I assume the responsibility of trying to win 51:12 what Christ had already won for me. 51:15 This led to my failure." 51:19 That is rich. 51:21 When I realize that, 51:24 it helped to solidify 51:27 God's promise in Jeremiah 29:11, 51:30 "For I know the plans that I have for you." 51:33 You know, not plans to harm you, 51:35 but for an expected future. 51:37 Because you see, in all that meandering, 51:40 I actually thought God had forgotten about me, 51:43 in all the suffering as a child and I did not have. 51:46 I painted a nice picture for you. 51:48 I did not have a pleasant childhood. 51:50 I'm talking age 10 backwards. 51:52 It was painful. 51:53 And so even in that, I kind of thought God had, 51:57 you know, like a deist experience, 51:59 God has just distanced. 52:01 Yes, I believe in God 52:02 but He doesn't really care about me, 52:04 you know. 52:06 And so God would reveal Himself repeatedly 52:08 as I would say throughout. 52:10 He would show me in all those shootouts, 52:12 I've been stabbed, and shot out, 52:13 I've shot at people, 52:14 all this kind of stuff, so many. 52:16 I had two friends die in my arms, 52:19 you know. 52:20 And fortunately, as far as the law 52:23 I was fortunate that 52:25 I was arrested on many occasions, 52:26 I was jailed, but I was never, 52:28 I never faced prison, I never went to prison. 52:31 So I was never detained 52:32 for more than two days or such, you know. 52:34 And all of these things 52:36 and the times when I did have a case, 52:38 ended up being exonerated. 52:39 And so, you know, 52:41 just God's amazing grace through all of that. 52:44 Yes. 52:45 But I then began to see 52:47 that God really never abandoned me 52:51 in spite of... 52:52 Even when as you were saying 52:54 the devil had pulled me down to the point 52:56 that I was so low 52:57 that I didn't want to come back up. 52:59 God still did not abandon me. 53:02 He was still there. Yes. 53:04 Yes. He loves you relentlessly. 53:07 Faithful. He's a faithful. 53:09 A faithful God. 53:11 I was reading something today in my devotional time 53:13 that said, 53:15 "Love and faithfulness equals loyalty." 53:19 Yes. And that's who God is. 53:22 He is love and He is faithful. 53:26 And He wants that from us 53:28 to love others and to be faithful, 53:30 to be loyal to Him. 53:33 So you found out 53:37 that you couldn't be your own god, 53:40 that you couldn't save yourself. 53:42 First lesson. 53:43 You know, you can't save it. 53:45 Well, a lot of times we try to be the Holy Spirit, 53:47 we try to be God for ourselves but other people, 53:50 tell them what to do and all that. 53:51 It's one thing to share something with others, 53:55 it's another to try to force them into our beliefs. 54:01 And we can't convict people, the Holy Spirit does that. 54:06 So you finally came to a place where you could say, 54:09 Lord Jesus, thank You. 54:11 Yes. 54:12 And now my joy is sharing 54:14 that assurance with everybody else 54:16 especially youth, so, you know, 54:17 I pastor in four congregations in Chicago, 54:23 prayerfully, hopefully soon five. 54:25 And I have a lot of interaction with youth. 54:28 You know, what's going on in Chicago today? 54:30 Yes. 54:31 How are you addressing 54:33 some of what's going on the violence? 54:35 One youth at a time. One youth at a time. 54:39 But ensuring also 54:40 that our churches are actively involved 54:43 in our communities to the best of our ability. 54:46 But I want to say this, 54:47 my story is duplicated a thousand times 54:51 over in Brooklyn, in Chicago, in Miami, in LA, 54:55 in any and most of our urban communities 54:58 where we have Adventist churches. 54:59 You will find thousands of adults 55:03 out of that environment 55:04 with a similar or even more dramatic testimony. 55:08 And you'll find children right now. 55:10 And I want that single mother, you know, that single mother, 55:15 that single grandma that has been raising, 55:17 you know, Joey or whoever, 55:20 or Paul, or Tony, or whatever his name is. 55:22 And you're like, you know, 55:23 what is up with this kid, 55:25 you know, dear God, have mercy, 55:28 you know, I don't know what else to do. 55:30 I want that parent or that guardian 55:33 to know that there is still hope. 55:35 And for the youth, 55:37 for that kid I want you to know 55:39 no matter how far you think you have gone, 55:43 God, you are not beyond God's reach, 55:46 you're not beyond His reach. 55:47 He can still reach you. He still loves you. 55:50 He's still faithful to His call to save you, you know. 55:55 So we shouldn't be ignorant 56:00 that there are other youth in our church environments 56:03 that have struggled with the same thing. 56:05 I knew many of them. 56:06 So basically I was this kid they had two lifestyles, right? 56:11 I had the Adventist lifestyle 56:13 and then I had my street life style 56:16 until it got to the point 56:17 where my own righteous indignation, 56:20 my own sense of pride said, 56:21 "I can't continue doing both 56:24 and I pull myself out of the church, you know." 56:27 But we have to pray for our kids 56:29 because some of them in my case, 56:33 I felt I didn't have a choice. 56:35 And I know many of them it's a quest for survival, 56:38 it's not that they're bad, it's not that they're evil, 56:41 it's not that they want to gang bang 56:43 and all this kind of stuff. 56:44 It's what they see as a choice they have to make to survive. 56:48 Right? 56:50 So we have to help them 56:51 to have that assurance for them to understand 56:53 who they are in Christ. 56:55 For them to understand 56:56 that God is faithful that He does have a plan, 56:59 and He does have a plan for them to prosper, 57:03 because He is helping me to prosper today. 57:04 Praise God. Praise the Lord. 57:06 This is such a beautiful testimony 57:09 because you can work with these young people 57:11 because you've been there. 57:13 You understand what it's like 57:15 to go through those streets every day, 57:17 just to go to school. 57:18 Just to go to school. Just to go to school. 57:20 I mean, my heart just aches 57:23 for our young people in the inner city 57:26 because I know it's just so difficult. 57:29 But thank you so much. God is amazing. 57:31 Thank you so much for being with us, 57:33 and for being so transparent in sharing your journey. 57:37 Thank you. God bless you. 57:38 And I wish you well with your churches, 57:41 and your congregations, and your young people. 57:43 And just know that, you know, our viewers will pray for you. 57:46 Thank you. God bless you. 57:48 Yes. God bless you. 57:49 Thank you so much for joining us. 57:51 I can't believe we reached the end of another program. 57:55 We appreciate you and we love you. 57:58 And we know that God's got a plan for you. 58:01 Tune in next time 58:02 'cause it just wouldn't be the same without you. |
Revised 2018-10-15