Participants:
Series Code: BOLS
Program Code: BOLS000053S
|
00:05 Sermon #S028 - You've Overpaid For That - (Part 2)
00:19 Welcome to the Breath of Life Television Ministries broadcast with Pastor Debleaire Snell! 00:25 In today's episode, Pastor Snell will share Part Two of the dynamic message “You've Overpaid for That.” 00:33 Now, let's go deeper into the word of God. 00:38 Pastor Snell:See, I need us to understand something, friends, 00:40 that whenever there is an entanglement of the heart, no matter how badly folk try to keep a secret, 00:48 no matter what they have to lose, at some point somebody's going to get overconfident 00:56 and visible and the secrets are going to start slipping. Are you all hearing what I'm saying today? 01:02 And I need you to understand, beloved, that if it is a matter of the heart, guess what? 01:07 They cannot keep it a secret. Remember what Jesus said. He says out of the abundance of the heart, 01:14 the mouth is going to speak. So whatever is impacting my heart is inevitably going to come out of my mouth. 01:23 So that if it's just physical and they're ashamed of you, they might not say nothing, but if somebody catches feelings, guess what? 01:32 The story is going to be told. You all are mighty quiet in this church today. 01:36 In other words, if somebody is emotionally entangled, at some point, 01:41 they're just going to happen to bump into your spouse at the supermarket. 01:44 At some point, they're going to happen to call when your spouse just happens to be home. 01:49 At some point, they're going to stop being okay with being second or not being preferred. 01:54 It's okay, brothers. She may have started out being a secret and thinking, "It was exciting," but after a while, 02:01 being a secret becomes insulting. 02:04 [Congregation: Whooping] 02:06 And see, there are times when brothers will get mad and they'll say, "Pastor man, she just couldn't keep the secret." 02:11 It's not that she couldn't keep the secret. She refused to be a secret. 02:16 [Congregation: Affirming] 02:19 See, how many of us know that at some point that that woman is going to want to be preferred? She's going to be number one. 02:25 She's going to want to go out on a date. She's going to want to post something online. 02:29 She's going to want to be claimed in some public way. Am I preaching to anybody today? 02:34 [Congregation: Affirming] 02:36 And see, it's crazy. Because there are times when sometimes, especially men, we think we can be okay 02:40 because we think we have circumstantial safety. 02:44 In other words, we think we're good because you both have an equal amount to be able to lose. 02:50 In other words, if she speaks, it's going to mess up her job. If she speaks, it's going to mess up her marriage. 02:55 But how many of us understand that Ellen White says that anybody that will 03:00 mess with you outside of your marriage is possessed by a demon? 03:05 And in other words, you can't reason with a demon. You can't apply principles to a demon. 03:11 You can't apply logic to a demon. There are no safe interactions with somebody that's under the possession of the enemy. 03:19 [Congregation: Affirming] 03:21 See, I need you to know that all adultery is is dating a suicide bomber. 03:25 [Congregation: Affirming] 03:27 In other words, you thought cause they were messing around, they were a mass shooter. 03:32 No, a mass shooter wants to get away with it but a suicide bomber operates on a whole different plane. 03:38 They will blow themselves up just to blow you up. And how many of us know that they aren't going to stay a secret, 03:45 they'll blow up their own job, they'll blow up their own marriage, 03:49 they'll blow up their own reputation just to hurt you in the process. Are you all here in the word? 03:57 [Congregation: Affirming] 03:58 Ask Steve McNair, Bill Clinton, or Ime Odoka, am I telling the truth today, friends? 04:04 [Congregation: Affirming] 04:06 So the word says here in verse number 7, the Bible says, "I saw amongst the simple. 04:10 I perceived amongst the youth a young man who is devoid of understanding." The Bible says. 04:17 See, the third thing this teaches us, friends of mine is that in relationships, 04:21 all of us need boundaries, somebody say, boundaries. 04:23 [Congregation: Boundaries] 04:26 Now, it's funny because the Bible says that Solomon refers to this man as simple. He is a youth, he is inexperienced. 04:35 Now, friends. I need you all to understand that the word "simple" in Hebrew doesn't just mean "stupid". 04:41 It actually means someone who is "naive". It means somebody that lacks situational awareness. In the context of youth, 04:51 it talks about somebody who lacks boundaries. In other words, 04:56 this is a young brother that like some of us thinks, "I can get really close to the fire and not be burned." 05:07 I actually think it's an interesting story because we're not really 100% sure whether or not the young man is married. 05:14 We know that the sister is married by her own testimony, and even though he has not stated as one who is being married, 05:20 in Israelite culture, when a boy became a man, he would be quickly wed or at the very least, 05:26 he would probably be betrothed to another woman. Are you all with me today? 05:31 And I can see Solomon there, watching this thing play out. Like he's watching the big screen on his TV. 05:39 And it's crazy because Solomon man, he doesn't get anxious when he falls into her arms. 05:45 Your boy Solomon starts getting on edge when he sees her going down the street toward her house. 05:52 In other words, Solomon literally refers to the street where she lives as the path that leads to hell. 05:59 And Solomon's lament is that whether the man is married or not, his first lament is that he lacks boundaries, 06:07 and he allows himself to be out of position. 06:10 Can I just say again to my brothers and sisters? 06:14 I need you to know that married people should never be hanging where unattached people are still hunting. 06:25 In other words, fellows, like what you get to a certain point, you can't be at happy hour. You can't be at the strip club. 06:31 When you're on a work trip and all the single folk go to the bar, you need to be up in your room with your Bible, 06:36 FaceTiming your husband, your wife, and your kids. There are certain circumstances you shouldn't even put yourself in. 06:45 Let me just say this friends of mine that when we talk about boundaries we don't just erect boundaries to avoid doing wrong 06:51 or to literally keep from falling into sin. We avoid boundaries, just to avoid the drama that can be attached to our reputation. 07:02 That's why the Bible says in 1st Thessalonians 5 to abstain from even the appearance of it. 07:11 In other words, a wise man or wise woman does not just put themselves in a predicament where they won't sin. 07:17 They don't even put themselves in a situation where the accusation can be made. 07:23 In other words, I cannot tell you how many brothers, especially, that have boundaries, that have found themselves in drama, 07:29 simply because they were eating platonically with a female co-worker when their girlfriend or wife showed up at the restaurant 07:37 [Congregation: Affirming] 07:39 and now he's got to answer for something with nothing evil or nefarious has taken place. 07:44 What I'm saying is not only am I trying not to sin, I'm not even trying to put myself where the accusation can be made. 07:50 So you got to have some boundaries of my preaching anybody today? In other words, in the evening, when I have appointments here, 07:58 my assistant knows that if I'm meeting with somebody outside of the opposite sex that I'm only going to take that meeting without 08:06 her husband when my assistants are in the office. 08:10 [Congregation: Affirming] 08:12 So that when she goes home, it's got to be a brother, it's got to be a couple. Are you all hearing what I'm saying? 08:17 [Congregation: Affirming] 08:19 When I'm going to do my afternoon visitations and I'm going to see Sister So-and-so, guess what? I ain't showing up by myself. 08:23 I'm taking Pastor Goodridge, Elder Taylor comes and shows up with me. When they see my truck there, when they see me walk out, 08:30 I want them to see the whole Posse coming out. 08:33 [Congregation: Cheering] 08:37 Listen. I'm not going to be punished for nothing that didn't do. Are you all hearing what I'm saying today, friends? 08:42 [Congregation: Affirming] 08:45 So, we've got to erect some physical boundaries. And see, the reason we've got to erect physical boundaries, oh, slow it down, 08:52 is how many of us understand that even though you're married, you're not dead? 08:57 [Congregation: You aren't dead.] 09:01 In other words, even when you're a happily married man, you're going to still see other women that are attractive. 09:06 Come on and say Amen, Pastor. 09:08 [Congregation: Amen, Pastor.] 09:10 In other words, they're going to be some brothers that you work with that are around. They are tall, they are handsome, 09:13 and they're dressed. They are funny. They have charisma and a charm that is intoxicating in a certain way 09:20 but understand that boundaries are designed to keep you from certain energies that happen in an involuntary fashion. 09:29 See, the problem with some of us is we see boundaries as a prison. Boundaries are not a prison, they're a shield. 09:39 They keep you from unnecessary drama. So you've got to erect some social boundaries as well. 09:47 So much so that you'd even need to guard the conversations you engage in. 09:53 In other words, do you realize that Brother So-and-so, Sister So-and-so, there's a dead giveaway? 10:00 Who has decided to become your marital counselor at your job? Who's encouraging complaints about your spouse? 10:11 Who's willing to talk with you about your situation? 10:14 I need you to know that you've already ventured on dangerous ground if you're talking to them about your marriage more 10:21 than you're talking to the one you're married to about what's going on. 10:28 I want to say this real quick because I need you to know that the greatest boundary is not from without. 10:37 The greatest boundary comes from him within. 10:40 Okay, now, you're all looking at me as crazy. 10:42 The greatest boundary you can have is to pour your energy into making your marriage good. In other words, 10:50 stop walking around spying on your man looking through his phone, and doing drive-bys at his job. 10:56 Stop walking around in the mall trying to look at who's eyeballing your woman. 11:00 In other words, if you've got a good-looking woman other brothers are going to see that. Are you all hear me? 11:05 [Congregation: Affirming] 11:07 All you've got to do is make sure you love on your man, love on your woman because a happy marriage is an adultery raid. 11:16 In other words, when a woman is happy, it shows up on her countenance. It says, "I'm spoken for." 11:23 She gives an energy that says "Can't touch this." Their energy says, "I'm not available." When a brother is satisfied, 11:30 he comes into the job looking relaxed and happy and whistling. 11:35 [Congregation: Affirming] 11:42 His whole energy says that "I'm not available." Are you all hearing what I'm saying? 11:47 In other words, instead of walking around like a protector, build your marriage immune system. You know, friends of mine, 12:00 just like your body has an immune system, you have something that automatically fights off outside attacks or disease, 12:07 and guess what? When your body is strong and you've been sleeping right, and eating right, and cold or sickness comes, guess what? 12:14 It can't knock you down when your immune system is strong. 12:17 In other words, when it's strong, the immune system fights off disease, you don't have to go hunt it down, 12:23 it does it automatically. And when your marriage immune system is strong... 12:28 [Congregation: Affirming] 12:30 ...it automatically fights off the attacks and the assaults that the enemy sends against your home. 12:37 Are you all hearing the word today, friends? 12:40 So the word says here in, Proverbs 7, go to verse 10. Can we unpack it a little bit further? Proverbs 7:10. 12:50 The Bible says, "And there a woman met him with the attire of a wife, harlot, and a crafty heart. 12:59 And she was loud and rebellious, and her feet would not stay at home." Now, watch this, "At times, she was outside, 13:04 and other times in the open square, lurking at every corner so she caught him and kissed him. And with an impudent face, 13:11 he said to him, "I have made peace offerings with me." But notice what she says in verse 19. "For my husband is not at home. 13:17 He has gone on a long journey and has taken a bag of money with him and he will come back on the appointed day." 13:26 So I need us to understand this about adultery friends, is an affair is nothing but what happens when 2 deficits find each other. 13:44 Infidelity is simply what occurs when 2 broken people cross paths. I'm framing it this way 13:56 because there is something about the culture in our time that tries to glorify this and create a mystery, allure, 14:03 and create excitement around it. So whether it is shows like Scandal or every Tyler Perry movie that has the same plot. 14:11 There is something in us that's trying to make it exciting and gratifying, but I need you to understand, 14:17 it is a practice of brokenness. 14:20 [Congregation: Affirming] 14:22 It is always to be grieved. There is collateral damage that is done to self, that is done to kids, 14:27 that is done to the family that destroys everybody in its wake, and with every person, 14:32 I've ever stood within this journey I've never had any brother or sister say "Pastor, it was worth it." 14:39 I've never had anybody say, "Man, Pastor, if I had it to do all over again, I do it again," 14:46 because once it hits the fan and the fallout takes place and the collateral damage is done, 14:52 the refrain of everybody that's trying to survive is that, "Man, I overpaid for that." Are you all hearing what I'm saying? 15:04 [Congregation: Affirming] 15:06 Now, when we look at this story, I think sometimes we get caught up in the wrong details as it relates to the woman. 15:15 In other words, we focus on her provocative dress, her bold assertions, 15:22 and how aggressive she is but maybe there's a clue we find in verse 19 where she says, "My husband's gone on a long journey. 15:35 He took a big bag of money with him. He's not coming back for a long time." 15:42 In other words, you've got a sister who perhaps has been neglected for so long. Who's come second to her husband's work, 15:52 second to his business affairs, and in a time where polygamy was abundant, she may have been second to other women. 15:59 In other words, she is a person that feels so neglected and so left behind that she's out in the street. 16:06 She isn't trying to hide it anymore because she doesn't even think her man sees. She's not sure if he's coming back home. 16:12 And even if he sees them, she's not even sure if he cares. 16:16 See, the problem with us is we look at the behavior and we think, "She's a nympho." Somebody that has insatiable needs. 16:23 When the truth is, she may just be somebody with unmet needs. 16:29 [Congregation: Affirming] 16:31 She is a woman that so starved for affection that she just does anything to feel desired. She wears anything just to be seen. 16:39 She's walking up and down the street just to be wanted. She's walking up and down the thing just to be noticed. In other words, 16:46 we think about her as this sexually overactive and nuclear person. No, she just wants to be noticed. 16:52 She just wants to be affirmed. She has such a deficit that she'll allow it to be filled by anybody. 17:00 And watch this. This shows something about the other person. 17:04 Oh, help me, Holy Spirit. Notice what the Bible says that she's lurking at every corner. She's walking up and down the street. 17:12 In other words, she wasn't looking for him, he just happened to be available. 17:18 [Congregation: Reacting] 17:20 In other words, he was just the first one that's willing. 17:23 See, I need you to know that the only upper hand that the other person has on the spouse is that sometimes they make themselves 17:32 available. 17:39 See, they're not special. They're just available. They're not superior, they're just available. 17:47 And let me just say this to every young girl, who's out there feeling themselves 17:52 because you think you've taken something from another woman or every young Thundercat that's bragging about what you're doing with 17:59 somebody else's wife. I need you to understand, you are nothing but a placeholder, you're a contingency plan, 18:06 and you're a parachute when it goes bad. 18:08 [Congregation: Whooping] 18:09 In other words, you're not special, you're just available. 18:14 [Congregation: Cheering] 18:18 And what I want to say on behalf of the brothers, I want brothers to know that a husband's preference is always to eat at home. 18:26 Amen? 18:29 [Congregation: Amen.] 18:35 I'm going to enjoy this sermon, whether you do or not. I mean listen. A husband's preference is always to eat at home. 18:43 So there are times in my evening these visits, as I'm going around, there will be some times where the woman of the house would say, 18:51 "Pastor, would you like something to eat or drink?" 18:55 And if I'm already full, it makes it easy to say, no. If I'm already full, 19:06 or if I know I've got something hot waiting for me when I get home. 19:11 Are you all hearing what I'm saying? When that brother knows he's got something waiting for him at home. 19:18 Guess what? It makes it that, much easier to say no to whatever offer is put out there in front of him. 19:25 [Congregation: Affirming] 19:27 I want to be clear that there is never a justification for stepping outside of the marital relationship, 19:32 but even the scriptures acknowledge that there is a cause and an effect. Are you all hearing what I'm saying? 19:41 It's crazy. Because even as I'm preaching this, I can see the ladies rolling their eyes at me... 19:48 [Congregation: Murmuring] 19:50 ...and saying, "Well, Pastor, if he would be a little bit more romantic, if he would make more deposits, 20:02 he could get some more withdrawals." 20:05 [Congregation: Affirming] 20:09 Let me just say this in the language men speak. The reason we used to withdraw more is because we used to deposit more. 20:20 [Congregation: Affirming] 20:27 The reason you used to be able to withdraw more, is you used to deposit a little bit more. 20:34 See, this is where the marriage reaches a dangerous point. When we get to that place where we've gotten used to each other, 20:42 it doesn't take all that no more. Are you hearing what I'm saying? 20:46 [Congregation: Affirming] 20:48 But it's just like when you go to the bank, if you withdraw more than you deposit, eventually, 20:56 it's going to say "insufficient". And a woman is like the bank. Sometimes she'll give you a line of credit. 21:01 [Congregation: Affirming] 21:06 But once you abuse that line of credit, the account is going to get permanently closed. 21:12 Am I preaching to anybody? 21:13 [Congregation: Affirming, Cheering, Laughing] 21:17 I'm about to get myself in trouble here. Hey, brothers, let's do what we did at first. 21:26 Let's remember our first love. Come on, let's take pride in being husbands. Let's honor the wife. 21:33 Let's cherish the wife. Let's romance the wife. I mean, listen, 21:38 let's do the things that we did to win her in order to secure her heart. 21:44 It's funny because we mentioned about what we're not getting. 21:48 But do you realize that even the physical act is actually a mirror of how the relationship is supposed to operate? 21:58 So guess what? When you're connected at the head and at the heart, guess what? Your parts are going to follow. 22:07 [Congregation: Affirming] 22:10 No, no, no, no. The physical act. It is an outward mirroring of the emotional act. 22:16 So that if I'm connected at the head and I'm connected at the heart, 22:20 guess what? The parts are going to automatically begin to connect one with another. Are you all hearing what I'm saying? 22:27 [Congregation: Affirming, Cheering] 22:28 So that the more I connect with the head and the heart, guess what? 22:30 The parts are simply an outgrowth of intimacy that starts outside of the bedroom. 22:40 Are you all hear what I'm saying today, friends? 22:42 [Congregation: Affirming] 22:44 See the problem is all some of us want to do is we're going to start right here. 22:47 But what I'm saying is that when we connect here and here, there is an intimacy that leaves everybody feeling satisfied. 22:56 And it's funny because there are times when especially when we've been married and we've gotten used to each other, 23:02 you realize that men and women. We operate a little bit differently. Amen? 23:11 [Congregation: Amen] 23:19 So that men, when it comes to certain things, we're like microwaves. Ready on command. Wives are a little bit more like crock pots. 23:35 Takes a little longer to get there, but once it gets hot boys going to burn everything. Are you all hearing what I'm saying? 23:42 Right? 23:43 [Congregation: Affirming] 23:46 Oh, so let me speak in the male language real quick. So you know how it is when you first get a new car? 23:53 You know, we name our cars women. You know how something about a new car. When it's brand-new, you can jump right in it, 24:01 even when it's cold outside. You just get in and drive. 24:08 [Congregation: Laughing] 24:12 But when you've had that car for a little while, when it's cold outside, you don't just go jump in it. 24:20 [Congregation: Right!] 24:22 Why are you all looking at me like I don't love the Lord? I love the Lord. I read the scriptures. 24:26 I pray every day. This is what conversion looks like. Are you all hearing what your boy is saying? 24:32 [Congregation: Affirming, Cheering] 24:34 When it's brand-new, you just jump in and start driving. But when you've had it a little while, 24:41 you go out in the cold and you warm it up, you turn on the radio, you let it idle for a little while. 24:48 You let it warm up before you jump in. 24:52 [Congregation: Affirming] 24:54 And what I'm saying is you can't give your car more foreplay than you give your woman. 25:00 [Congregation: Whooping] 25:10 No, don't send me no letters about the Sabbath. Adam and Eve were married on the sixth day. 25:17 So you know how they started the seventh day? If you had heard this 20 years ago, 25:22 you would be better off than where you are right now. We need to stop ignoring the problem and start addressing the problem. 25:34 [Congregation: Affirming, Whooping] 25:36 See the problem with the contemporary church is we have that the world has all the joy of sex. 25:42 But how many of us know it doesn't belong in a magazine, in a movie, in a nightclub, or the backseat of a car, 25:49 it belongs to those who are in covenant with one another, who are operating within the holy bounds of matrimony. 25:57 Let the married folk say Amen. 26:02 [Congregation: Amen] 26:03 [Congregation: Affirming, Cheering] 26:04 Are you all hearing what I'm saying? 26:07 [Congregation: Yes!] 26:12 See, this is where I want to land. Listen, I promise you, I'm done. 26:17 See, this is the issue. This is why I want to shift us because, in marriage, you know what our competition is on too much? 26:26 We're competing for who's going to have the last word. 26:29 We compete for who's going to get the most allowance. We compete about who's going to have the most authority, 26:36 but in a healthy marriage, there is not a competition for say, or power, or authority. 26:41 You're in a competition to out-love each other and out-serve each other and out-meet one another's needs. 26:48 In other words, it ought to be a competition on who's going to love each other better. Who's going to affirm each other the most? 26:54 Who's going to speak one another's love language the best? In other words, you can't not withhold your way to a better marriage. 27:02 [Congregation: Affirming] 27:04 You can't withhold your way to wholeness. You've got to give your way to wholeness. 27:09 You've got to pray your way to wholeness. You've got to serve your way to wholeness. 27:14 You've got to honor your way to wholeness. 27:17 [Congregation: Affirming] 27:18 Hello, family, this is Pastor Snell. Speaker/Director of the Breath of Life Television Ministry. 27:24 Last year, we released our newest book entitled Get Unrealistic, where we talked about the power of Radical Faith. 27:32 You joined us on the journey and you were richly blessed. And there are a number of you who reached out and said, 27:39 we want to make this resource available to our office staff, to my family, to our ministry group, to our book club, 27:46 to our elders board, or to our church. I want you to know that we've created an opportunity for you to order the book in bulk. 27:53 So if you go to our website at breathoflife.tv, you can order the book in bulk. As we enter into this new year. 28:01 We don't want to go back to being realistic. We want to continue to get unrealistic. 28:07 (Breath of Life Theme Music) 28:31 [END] |
Revised 2023-01-25