Participants:
Series Code: BOLS
Program Code: BOLS000110S
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00:05 #S058 - What Every Women Needs To Know About Her Man (Part 1)
00:19 This week Brothers, we going to preach 00:22 what every woman needs to know about her husband. 00:26 Now, brothers, last week they was loud. 00:28 Come on and say, man. 00:29 So. So, brothers, don't leave me on an island today. 00:33 I need you to stand with the pastor this afternoon. 00:36 Matter of fact, turn to your right real quick and say. 00:37 Keep that same. Energy. 00:39 Keep that same energy. 00:42 Amen. Amen. 00:43 Let's jump into it. 00:44 Let's say it together like we mean it 00:45 today, I commit myself to a principled marriage. 00:50 I make the. 00:51 Decision to put principle before feelings. 00:53 I commit to doing what 00:55 I know to do, not just what I feel like doing. 00:59 I will serve when I don't feel it. 01:01 I will love when I don't feel it. 01:03 I will respect. When I don't feel it. 01:06 I will forgive when I don't feel it. 01:08 I will remain. 01:09 When I don't feel it and I will pray when I don't feel it. 01:12 Today I'm. 01:13 Coming out of my feelings and I'm embracing. 01:17 My principles. 01:19 Do my. Favorite. 01:20 Do me a favor. Kiss your wife or husband and say, 01:22 let's stay in the principal. 01:24 Amen. 01:25 Y'all been waiting all week to do that. 01:26 All right. Amen. 01:28 So. So today, as we get into the word, 01:29 we're going to go quickly here to the Book of Proverbs 01:32 Chapter 31. 01:33 If you have it in your Bible, you can look, there 01:35 are we going to place it here 01:36 on the screen for your consideration today? 01:38 Proverbs, chapter 31 there in the Old Testament. 01:40 And when you get there, let me hear you say amen. 01:43 I'm going to got to look through the whole chapter. 01:44 We're just going to take some selections 01:46 that are beneficial for our conversation 01:48 today, Proverbs 31 and verse one. 01:50 When you get there, let me say amen. 01:53 The Bible says, Who can find a virtuous wife 01:57 for her worth is far above what? 02:01 Now, again, let me just say this to the husbands real quick. 02:04 Her value is that of a. 02:05 Ruby and realize. 02:07 Ruby don't grow on. Trees. 02:10 You don't find them everywhere. 02:12 It is a precious stone. 02:14 And it ought to be valued. As such. 02:16 But notice what it says about this 02:17 woman, the heart of her husband safely trust her. 02:21 So he will have no lack of gain. 02:23 She does him good and not evil. 02:25 All the days of her life. 02:27 She seeks wall and flax and will in the works with her hands. 02:31 She is like the merchant ship. 02:32 She brings her food from afar. 02:35 Yet she also rises. 02:36 While it is yet night and provides food for her household, 02:41 she considers the field and buys it. 02:43 And from her profit, she plants a vineyard. 02:46 So guess what? 02:47 Not only is she. 02:48 Domestic. She's also professional. 02:51 Amen. So it's not. 02:53 One or the other? 02:58 It's not one or the other. 03:00 It's both. 03:02 I would like some of these young wives meet to my man. 03:04 All I make is reservation. 03:08 You do? 03:08 You do. 03:09 You see Gertrude's self-restraint? 03:14 It strengthens her arms. 03:16 She opens her mouth with the wisdom, 03:18 and on her tongue is the law of kindness. 03:20 She watches over the ways of her household and. 03:22 Does not eat the bread of what, in other words, 03:25 seeing on Instagram all day. 03:29 She ain't got. 03:29 Time for Real Housewives of Atlanta. 03:32 Oh, tell him 03:33 keep that same energy, keep that same energy, that same energy. 03:36 Her children rise up and call her blessed 03:38 and her husband also he praises her. 03:41 Many daughters have done well, but you expel them all. 03:44 Charm is deceitful. 03:45 Beauty is passing. 03:46 But a woman who fears the Lord shall be praise. 03:49 And then one last verse, a critical one in Proverbs 03:51 14 and verse one, and hear me on this lady's a wise 03:54 woman bills her house, but with her own hands. 03:59 The foolish one tears hers down. 04:02 So again, we're talking today on the subject 04:04 what every woman needs to know about her, her man. 04:06 Let's pray and we'll move quickly. 04:07 Today, Father, we pray that in this little 04:10 while that you would say much. 04:11 I pray that you would speak clearly, directly, succinctly, 04:15 and maybe not just be hearers of the word, 04:18 but may we act on your word. 04:20 We pray in the wonderful name of Jesus. 04:22 Let those who believe stay together. Amen. 04:24 And amen. 04:25 You may be seated in the House of the Lord. 04:28 Again, we'll kind of get to the section 04:30 about what every woman needs to know. 04:32 But as we did last week, 04:33 we want to begin with some general principles 04:37 that cross both gender. 04:39 And there are some team concepts I want us to get now. 04:41 Again, just for those who want something 04:43 to continue to study or just to read as a group. 04:45 There are a couple of books, 04:47 ladies, that kind of informed this particular study this week. 04:50 It's one book is called For Women 04:53 Only What You Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men. 04:56 By Ms.. Shante Feldon. 04:57 And then another book is called What Your Husband 05:01 Isn't Telling You by David Morrow. 05:03 And it's just something if you want something to read, 05:05 you just kind of continue to reinforce some things. 05:08 And even with the book, what your husband isn't telling you. 05:11 And if that's not, then just mean 05:13 and what it means specifically. 05:14 There are some things that he's not telling you verbally, 05:17 but there are some things he's telling you 05:18 with his behavior and actions. 05:20 And it kind of gives a little bit 05:22 of a deciphering code to know the difference between the two. 05:24 So again, our 05:25 theme Friends is putting principle before feeling. 05:30 And again, as I said last week, I know 05:32 this doesn't give you goose bumps. 05:34 It's not sentimental, but it's the truth. 05:38 Because, again, let me say it again. 05:39 How many of us know that if you don't stay married. 05:42 You've got to make. 05:43 Decisions against your feelings so that you're going. 05:47 To have to love when you don't feel like loving, 05:49 you're going to have to listen. 05:50 When you don't feel like listening, 05:52 you're going to have to forgive. 05:54 When you don't feel like forgiving. 05:56 And guess what? 05:56 You're going to have to stay married 05:58 when you don't feel like staying 05:59 married can ensure it's eight men today. 06:02 And I need you to know 06:03 that, man, if you operate out of feelings 06:05 your marriage has an expiration date. 06:08 And see, this is critical. 06:10 We told you on last week you got to get feelings 06:12 out of the driver's seat and put principle there. 06:16 Because feelings don't make good drivers. 06:19 They ought to be passengers. 06:21 And the reason feelings should not be drivers 06:23 is that feelings drive while under the influence, 06:28 and they're marriages that have due eyes 06:30 because those feelings will get under the influence 06:33 of comparison, stress. 06:34 Circumstance and situation. 06:36 And that's why you got to let principle guide the process. 06:39 Y'all hear what I'm saying today, friends. 06:41 And one of the things I want to say 06:43 real quick is that in every marriage, 06:45 you got to have some know matter what principles. 06:49 In other words, there's got to be some fixed principles 06:52 that do not change whether or not you have money 06:55 when you're sick, 06:56 when things go well, 06:57 you've got to have some principles that we abide by. 07:00 No matter what. 07:02 If I'm telling the truth, I mean, you say, man. 07:04 So. So one of those. 07:05 No matter what principles 07:07 is, you've got to 07:08 have as a principle that says we remain in our marriage. 07:13 That's got to be a no matter 07:14 what principle and see, I need us to understand this. 07:17 I told you last week, my wife and I 07:20 celebrated 20 years and I in no means try to make ourselves 07:23 the example of anything 07:25 but the one thing I can testify in truth, that we've never had 07:29 a discussion about getting divorced. 07:33 Now, she might have thought it, but at least she never said it. 07:38 Only statement and reason I'm saying this, friends of mine, 07:42 is because when you hold out divorce as a contingency 07:47 or backup plan, there going to be some circumstances 07:50 that suggest it's your only plan. 07:53 AC One of the things I need the church to know 07:56 is that you got to kind of make it up in your mind to say 07:59 the only option is for us to work it out. 08:03 In other words, I'm not leaving this up to chance. 08:05 There ain't no such thing as if it's going to work out. 08:08 The only thing is for us to work that thing out. 08:12 And I need you to know 08:13 that the enemy has created this one great deception. 08:16 And his greatest deception 08:18 is to make single folk think they don't have no options 08:22 and to make married folk think they have options. 08:25 In other words, you ain't got no one. 08:27 The only option is for you and him, 08:30 you and her to get in a room under the guidance of God. 08:34 We all that today 08:36 church under the guidance of God and work that thing out 08:41 and you'll be surprised what you can make prosper 08:44 when you come to the conclusion is so only option 08:48 I. In other words when you 08:49 come to the conclusion that it's going to be me 08:52 and her to the end, you've got to work that thing out. 08:54 Come on and say, man. 08:55 In other words, if you want, go work that thing out. 08:58 You shouldn't have took the vows. 08:59 You took 09:01 your vows saying something like, for better or worse, 09:04 richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. 09:08 You didn't amend the vows to say for richer, better health 09:13 or until circumstance do us part. 09:16 We said the only thing 09:17 we gonna let separate us is the power of death. 09:20 Y'all hear me today? 09:21 So you got to have some, no matter 09:22 what principles, teamwork has to be a no matter work. 09:26 What principle I see. 09:28 The problem is in too many contemporary marriages, 09:30 we're not operating like teams. 09:33 We're operating like free agents that live together 09:37 and say, I need you to 09:38 understand that there are some of us, man. 09:39 We all are left center with our approach. 09:43 We get into marriage and say, Man, I'm not going to change. 09:45 I'm not going to adjust. 09:46 I'm not going to lose myself. I just got to be me. 09:49 If you're not going to lose 09:50 none of yourself, you shouldn't got married. 09:53 Because I need you to know that marriage requires 09:55 you to give more than you think you ought to give. 09:59 I need you to realize that marriage is the constant. 10:03 Tell me if I'm telling the truth. 10:04 It is a constant dying to your old self. 10:09 It is a death to who I think I am and who I should be. 10:13 And see. 10:14 One of the things you'll know about championship teams 10:16 is that individual stars give so the team can thrive, 10:21 so that when LeBron and Chris Bosh went to Miami 10:26 in order to form a super team, guess what? 10:28 Each individual had to take less money. 10:30 Each individual had to take less shots. 10:32 Each individual had to take less. 10:35 But guess what? 10:36 Each individual was willing to take less. 10:37 So the second half team's success 10:40 and I need us to know friends, that the only way 10:42 the team is going to thrive 10:44 is if each individual brings equal sacrifice. 10:48 Y'all hear what I'm saying today? 10:49 You got to have some. 10:50 No matter what principles, no matter what. Guess what? 10:52 We are not going to step outside of our marriage, 10:56 are y'all? 10:56 Hear what the pastor is saying today? 10:58 I don't care how drive the will gets. 11:04 And some of us are in a marital Sahara desert today. 11:08 But what I'm saying is I need you 11:10 to know the answer is never outside. 11:13 The answer is inside. 11:15 So you got to get to a place where we're going to make sure 11:18 that we do what we need to do to keep one 11:20 another, engage, then satisfied and built up. 11:23 I need to get that quality. 11:25 Time needs to be a no matter what principle. 11:28 In other words, I know that life be living 11:30 and it's busy and it's hectic. 11:32 But see, there is too often a disparity 11:35 between our professed values and our actual values. 11:39 So our professed value is the home, 11:42 but all of the investment goes into the job. 11:46 My professed value is my spouse, 11:49 but all my actual investment goes into my recreation. 11:51 I hear what I'm saying today. 11:53 And so I need you to know 11:54 that you got to make it up in your mind 11:56 to just create a baseline principle that says, no matter 12:00 what, we're going to spend at least 30 minutes 12:02 of uninterrupted time together as a couple every day. 12:07 In other words, uninterrupted time. 12:09 I mean, no TV. My 12:12 brother's like I thought I was preaching to them this week. 12:14 And I'm gonna get to them. 12:15 I when she puts down the phone, come on and say, 12:18 Hey, man, all right, we're again. 12:21 And no matter what principle 12:22 is that at some point in the day 12:24 or the week, we're going to visit the family altar? 12:27 No, God, no. 12:29 That's got to be a no matter what principle, because what gas 12:33 is to your car, the spirit is to your marriage. 12:37 And so you're wondering why you stuck by the side of the road 12:40 all the time. 12:41 It is because there is not a requisite amount 12:44 of fuel to push the engine forward. 12:48 I need you to get friends of mine. 12:49 That respect has to be a no matter what 12:52 principle. 12:55 All right. Let me say it again. 12:57 Respect has to be a no matter what principle. 13:01 And again, since we're kind of preaching 13:03 to the ladies, friends of mine, ladies, I do want to say this. 13:06 You can't have unconditional love 13:08 and want conditional give conditional respect. 13:12 Okay. Let me say it again. 13:13 You can't expect for him to love like Christ love that. 13:16 Oh, we all that now love like Christ loved the church. 13:20 Unconditional love. 13:22 But you want to give respect. 13:24 That's conditional on how he's behaving 13:27 and those who follow the ministry for a long time. 13:30 You've heard me say this and it bears repeating. 13:32 I need you to understand 13:33 you don't respect the husband's behavior. 13:36 You respect the office of husband. 13:41 No, no, no, no. 13:42 You respect him because of the office 13:43 that he holds, because of who he is in your life. 13:46 And the metaphor I often use 13:47 is sometimes even in church setting, 13:49 you don't always like what the pastor is saying. 13:51 You don't always like what the pastor is doing. 13:54 But guess what? 13:54 You don't come any kind of way 13:56 because you respect the pastor's office. 14:00 There are times where you don't 14:01 always like what your boss is saying. 14:03 You don't always 14:04 respect what your boss is doing, but you respect the office 14:06 of supervisor. 14:08 So why would you respect the office of Supervisor? 14:11 The office of Coworker of the Office of Pastor, 14:13 the office of President. 14:14 But you won't respect the office of husband. 14:19 A husband shouldn't have to audition for respect 14:22 the same way a wife shouldn't have to audition for love. 14:26 It has to be guaranteed because of his placement 14:29 in your life, are you hearing what I'm saying? 14:32 And so one of those men, no matter 14:34 what principles, has to be acceptance. 14:36 Can you say, man, 14:37 I need somebody to know that your victory is not in them 14:40 changing. 14:43 Your victory is in finally accepting who they are. 14:50 Oh, man, how to get a good offering. See all 14:53 this angle? 14:54 Because I need you to understand that that c we think 14:57 man will finally get happy when they change. 15:00 But know your family. 15:01 Be happy when you just accept and love them for who they are. 15:05 Because how many of us know marriage doesn't change people. 15:09 Marriage just gives them the security to stop changing 15:15 that joke. 15:17 It's like, I'm good now, he said. 15:20 I do it. I did it is right. 15:23 All right. 15:24 So so second thing I want to say real quick, big idea 15:26 and I'm going to shift to laser quick 15:28 is I want somebody to say that no woman or man has it all. 15:34 So I need to know there are some of us 15:36 that don't have a bad marital reality, 15:40 but the reality looks bad because you're comparing it 15:43 to a fantasy. 15:46 And see, the reason some of us are never happy 15:49 is because we live in a world of comparison. 15:53 Assuming that somebody has something 15:55 that we're missing out on. 15:57 In other words, just as some of us 15:58 don't have a bad man but say you're 16:00 comparing him to the fallacy that's in your head. 16:03 Man are some of us, man that man got it all twisted. 16:05 Man You want a man that looks like Morris Chestnut? 16:08 He got the intelligence of Barack Obama. 16:10 He got the swag of Tupac Shakur. 16:12 He's got the bank account of just Jeff Bezos 16:15 and he got the character of Jesus. 16:17 I mean, what a guy. 16:22 Oh, man. 16:22 I mean, I know. 16:23 I don't know how you seen that catch. 16:24 I the only place he lives in your head and 16:28 and husbands we can do the same thing. 16:30 We want her to be professional, like Clair Huxtable. 16:32 We want her to be domestic. Like Leave it to Beaver. 16:36 We want her to take it 16:36 like Beyonce say we want her to be married. 16:39 The mother of Jesus in the daytime 16:41 and Mary Magdalene after dark. 16:43 Y'all not here. Come on. Is. Hey, hey. 16:45 Y'all know how we all. 16:50 And we think you re missing out on something. But 16:53 I know, like, 16:54 Clair Huxtable messed up 16:56 anybody that was growing up in the eighties. 16:57 Am I telling the truth today? 17:00 And what I'm saying is, friends, that sometimes you just got 17:02 to celebrate who God has given you. 17:04 I hear me today. 17:05 And the last thing 17:07 I want to say real quick before I switch is don't blame 17:09 the server because you don't like what you ordered. 17:15 Now, Eli, because this is what we be doing in church sometimes. 17:20 Like, I mean, you're just I was literally in Maryland. 17:23 You're in meetings a couple weeks ago 17:24 now for your friends of mine. We went out to a restaurant. 17:27 I mean, 17:28 I just see, man, this person next to me, man, 17:29 just giving it to the server, giving him a hard time 17:32 and he literally, man is like, ma'am, 17:34 like that is what you ordered off of the menu. 17:37 And it's crazy 17:38 because he's like, Man, that's not really what I wanted. 17:41 I didn't want it to come that way. 17:42 And he said, Ma'am, if you just look at the ingredients, 17:46 you will see it actually had that in the ingredients. 17:49 And it's crazy 17:50 because he turned to our table out a little while 17:53 and he says like, Yo, bro, this is just my life. 17:54 People always get mad at me and all I do is bring them what. 17:57 They ask for. 17:59 And there are times when we sit up in church mad 18:02 it got mad at the Bible, mad 18:04 at the standards of the church, mad at the pastor, 18:08 cause he's asking you to stay in the vows you committed to. 18:12 And it's crazy because some of us men are 18:14 walking around here like marital martyrs, 18:19 like somebody is forcing them to do something. 18:23 You realized you could not stop praying for him to propose 18:27 to come out. 18:28 Keep that same energy. 18:29 Keep that same energy. 18:31 I you prayed that she would say yes. 18:35 You knew what was in the ingredients. 18:43 I mean, there are certain things that were not hidden. 18:46 It was there in plain sight from the beginning. 18:47 And what I'm saying is, at some point 18:50 you got to stop trying to send back what you ordered and change 18:53 what you ordered and celebrate what you've ordered. 18:56 I hear me today, Prince So real quick, I'm going to talk for. 18:59 Just a little. While. 19:00 Encouraging the ladies in the Scriptures. 19:02 I promise you, I'm not going to weaponize the Word of God. 19:04 We're going to all be built up in the word today. 19:06 Is that all right, man? 19:07 I said, I won't go sweat today. 19:11 I was thinking cool. 19:12 Thoughts, but they really. Work it out. 19:14 So whatever your wife wants to know about her husband 19:16 and so I want to share something that I'm praying 19:18 that would allow our wives to. 19:20 Kind of give a little grace to our husbands. 19:22 I want to talk a minute for. A minute. 19:23 About the power. Of socialization. 19:25 There are certain messages that we get as men 19:28 that are instilled and encoded in our worldview 19:32 that actually create a little bit of a crisis for us 19:35 once we start trying to serve God or once we get married. 19:38 So there are certain things, even a father or even an uncle 19:41 or even sometimes a mom would tell a boy as he's growing up, 19:44 so that when he falls down and skins his knee 19:46 and his eyes begin 19:47 to well with tears, at some point 19:49 somebody is going to say, Man, you better hold it together 19:51 cause big boys don't cry. 19:55 And what we begin 19:56 from to do from beginning is we submersed our feelings. 19:58 In other words, when the little girl falls on her bike, 20:01 guess what? Someone's going to run and pick her up. 20:03 When little boy falls down, somebody is going to 20:05 say, Son, pick yourself up. 20:08 All right. 20:08 And it creates self-reliance. 20:10 In other words, boys don't do art and music. 20:12 Boys have to do sports. 20:14 And what happens is it dwarfs our expression in code. 20:18 Or even we say things like, never let them see you sweat. 20:21 And what that does is it teaches us how to perpetrate, 20:23 how to act strong when we're actually weak, 20:25 or even to keep going in the wrong direction, 20:28 even when we don't know where we're going 20:31 and to never back down. 20:33 So we don't immigrants and we struggle 20:35 with things like submission. 20:36 And it's crazy 20:37 because everything 20:38 that the culture says makes you a strong man. 20:41 In some ways, it makes us a poor husband 20:43 and an even worse Christian. Why? 20:46 Because I don't know how to submit. 20:48 I can't acknowledge when I'm wrong. 20:50 I cannot express weakness. 20:52 I live in a world where I act and pretend to be something 20:56 that I'm not. 20:57 And one of the things that's got to happen 20:58 is that in the spirit, there's got to be a rewiring of the man 21:03 so that we embrace 21:05 the very things that allow us to be strong in the spirit 21:08 and also be strong in the world of marriage. 21:12 I hear what I'm saying today, 21:13 so I'm going to put some never on the screen 21:15 because even there it's coded to a certain extent. 21:18 And the way that we think, 21:19 we tend to think that we tend to suggest, 21:21 and this is somewhat stereotypical, 21:22 that men tend to be left brain, we tend to be what 21:26 we seem to stay on the side where we're analytical 21:29 and logical and precise and repetitive. 21:32 So you're wanting him to be spontaneous. 21:34 Spontaneous, but know our nature is to be repetitive. 21:37 I don't want to go to a different restaurant. 21:38 I want to order the same thing every time I go. 21:41 All right. 21:42 To be organized, to be detailed, 21:43 to be scientific, to be detached, literal 21:45 and sequential. 21:46 In other words, he is not necessarily 21:48 going to try to do a bunch of activities. 21:50 At the same time, he's going to check one box 21:52 before he goes to the next and to the next. 21:55 All right. 21:56 But I ladies 21:57 tend to be a little bit more right 21:58 brain, more creative, more imaginative 22:00 in general, intuitive, conceptual, big picture 22:03 heuristic, empathic, empathetic, figurative, 22:07 irregular. 22:10 Amen. No. 22:11 No, no. 22:13 That was just on the diagram. 22:14 And I do want to say this because there is a fallacy 22:17 that says men don't have emotions. 22:19 That's not true. 22:20 A man has every emotion a woman has. 22:23 Men just may not be as expressive. 22:26 Now, again, 22:27 let me see this, 22:28 because even when you look at the way the male brain 22:29 and the brain works, 22:31 both for men and women, I need you to understand. 22:33 It's not that that that men are not empathetic. 22:37 It's not that men put it up real quick, 22:39 that they're not intuitive. 22:41 It's not that they're not general. 22:43 It simply means that sometimes women 22:46 will cross the street emotionally quicker than men. 22:50 In other words, she can operate in both spaces 22:52 a little bit more comfortably. 22:54 So she'll go from the creative side to the logical side, 22:56 to the intuitive side, to the organized side, 22:58 whereas men cross the street a little bit more slowly. 23:02 It's not that I can't get there, but man, 23:03 I got to look both ways from across the street. 23:06 I got to make sure I know traffic come in 23:07 before I go over into that space where so. 23:10 So women 23:11 will kind of grope back and forth, man, really quickly. 23:13 They go from logical 23:14 to emotional back and forth really quickly. 23:15 And that doesn't make you superior. 23:17 Ladies. 23:20 It just means you can go from making real good sense. 23:24 Not keep that same energy. 23:28 I know. All right. 23:29 So so there are a couple of things 23:31 I want to say real quick, and I'm going to do my best 23:32 to keep in time today. 23:33 There are some things every woman. Needs to know. 23:35 About her man number one, he. 23:36 Needs you to hold his confidence and cover his flaws. 23:42 Okay, y'all got. Y'all got quiet. 23:45 Notice what proverbs 31 in verse ten and never say it. 23:48 The heart of her husband doth faithfully trust in her. 23:53 The jokes. 23:54 Kiss church, ladies, say, men. 23:56 Ladies. Hey, men today. 23:58 All right? 23:59 He needs to know 24:00 that you 24:02 will keep his confidence and that you will cover his flaws. 24:05 It's crazy. 24:06 The reason some of you all think I'm an okay husband is simply 24:10 because my wife cover is where I fall short. 24:14 Are you hear what I'm 24:15 saying? I'm more likely to tell you 24:17 what's wrong with me than she is. 24:20 And so I need you to know that a husband 24:22 will never find security in a marriage if he's married 24:26 to a woman who has leaks. 24:29 In other words, he needs to know that his 24:32 your mother angel know about his flaws, 24:34 that your sister Angel know every time he messes up 24:37 that your friends are not going to know 24:39 about every financial issue. 24:40 He needs to know that 24:41 everybody in the streets ain't going to know 24:43 about everything that's happening in your bedroom. 24:48 He needs to know that he is safe, that 24:51 there is covering, that there is somebody that has his back. 24:54 And let me just pause to kind of give you 24:56 this little quick piece of advice, 24:58 because I know that 24:59 every woman needs a confidant, somebody that she can share 25:02 with and be mentored by. 25:03 But let me give you a rubric for your confidant, ladies. 25:07 First of all, your confidence, 25:09 the one you share in, it needs to be another lady. 25:16 Don't be talking to Jerome 25:19 about what you got going on at home. 25:20 Hey, man. 25:21 All right? 25:22 You need to go talk to Tyisha. 25:24 Amen. 25:25 And not only does she need to be female, 25:27 she needs to be a woman of God. 25:32 She needs to be somebody that has spiritual discernment, 25:36 somebody that prays, somebody 25:39 that will tell you the truth 25:42 and not just affirm what you want to hear. 25:45 And guess what? 25:46 Sometimes that woman needs to be your age or older, all right? 25:49 You don't need to be talking to nobody. 25:51 That ain't been nowhere, ain't done 25:53 nothing, ain't went through nothing 25:56 about what you're going through. 25:57 And number four, 25:58 you need to be talking to a female 26:00 who's spiritual, your age 26:01 or older, who's happily married 26:03 or committed to the idea of marriage. 26:06 In other words, you don't need to talk to that 26:08 sister that's been divorced 37 times. 26:12 Are your single girlfriends who's still out there hunting 26:15 when you've already got the cats are y'all hear 26:17 what I'm saying to that? 26:19 And see, there are times where it's not so much 26:21 that he don't want you to talk to somebody. 26:23 Sometimes he's just nervous about who's mentoring you. 26:27 And honestly, it's a cross gender principle. 26:29 I can put that same idea up there for men, 26:32 and it will still be the truth. 26:33 Your confidant needs to be another man, 26:35 a man who's spiritual, 26:36 a man who's committed to the idea of marriage. 26:40 And so you got to cover your man. 26:42 You got to make sure that you hold his confidence, 26:45 that you got to make sure that you don't expose his flaws 26:49 and that you talk to him, 26:50 talk to Jesus about him more than you. 26:52 Talk to your mama about him. 26:55 Amen. 26:56 Second thing, he needs your affirmation 26:59 more than your critique. 27:03 Brothers, stand with me. 27:05 All right. 27:08 She opens her mouth. With what? 27:11 And on her tongue is the law of what? 27:15 Kindness. 27:16 In other words, 27:17 that sister knows what to say and she knows what not to say. 27:22 Now, let me be clear, ladies, as I say that 27:24 I'm not saying that you've just got to be, 27:25 man, a spineless doormat for your man. 27:28 You can be real direct, truthful, transparent, 27:31 but that doesn't equal sarcasm hurtful in this dismissiveness, 27:35 rudeness and too much rolling. 27:39 Thank you so much for joining us for The Breath of Life 27:42 Television Ministries broadcast with Pastor Debleaire Snell 27:47 Now we hope and pray that you have been blessed 27:50 by the third message 27:51 in the sermon series titled Famil-ish Volume two. 27:56 Join us next week for part two of the message titled 28:00 What Every Woman Needs to Know About Her Man, 28:04 you don't want to miss it. 28:07 (Breath Of Life Music) |
Revised 2024-03-06