Participants:
Series Code: CW
Program Code: CW000010S
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00:00 (gentle music)
00:05 - [Jim] Oh, yes, uh-huh, stay right there. 00:08 Stay right there; I'll be right back. 00:13 Hey, welcome everybody to "Talking Donkey International," 00:16 and our new television series, "Country Wisdom." 00:19 - Let's set the tone for this new series of ours. 00:22 It's found in Proverbs four. 00:24 "Let your eyes look directly forward 00:27 "and your gaze be straight before you. 00:30 "Ponder the path of your feet, 00:33 "and then all your ways will be sure." 00:36 - Join us now for "Country Wisdom." 00:38 (gentle music) 00:44 (gentle music) 00:46 - You know, marriage requires falling in love many times. 00:50 - [Janice] But always with the same person. 00:52 - [Jim] Very true; if you'd like some hints 00:54 about how to accomplish that, follow us. 00:56 (gentle music) 01:04 So Janice, here we are doing a program on marriage, 01:07 and I'm guessing that maybe some of our viewers 01:09 at least wanna know why, why, 01:11 what's the qualifications? 01:14 What would you say to them here? 01:16 - Well, we're both married, not to each other (laughs). 01:19 - Yeah. - I have been married, 01:21 oh boy, this is gonna give away my age. 01:24 Bear in mind, I was a child bride, 01:26 - Yeah, okay. - but I've been married 01:27 43 years, 01:29 and for me, it's not just that, 01:32 okay, you have 43 years behind you. 01:35 It's the fact that 01:37 Steve and I still like each other 01:40 after being married 43 years. 01:42 That is an achievement. - And that's really huge, 01:44 especially in today's world where it seems like 01:46 everybody changes marriages 01:48 like they change a pair of shoes. 01:50 - (laughs) Yes. - You know, I don't, 01:51 my wife and I, Janine, we've been married 50 years now. 01:56 50 years and people are, "Wow." 01:58 You know, "How did you do that?" 01:59 Well, it wasn't easy (laughs). 02:02 - Because Janine is such a good woman. (laughs) 02:04 - Exactly, you know, I'm terrible, she's really good. 02:07 And, but there's a lotta keys to that, you know? 02:10 Marriage is work. 02:11 Yeah, I, I assume you found that too. 02:14 - Yes, but it's not like 02:16 "Grit your teeth; you gotta work this." 02:21 I found that the kind of work that goes into it, 02:23 not that there aren't frustrations 02:25 and times where the thought goes through your head that, 02:30 "Why am I doing this?" 02:31 Or "Is this really worth it?" 02:33 But from my vantage point, you know, 02:36 lo these many years later, 02:39 it's been so worth it. 02:41 I mean, we work to keep up friendships. 02:43 If I have gone months and months and have not picked up 02:47 the phone to check on my friend Pauline 02:49 or Judy or whoever, 02:51 after a while you realize you've gotten 02:54 a little out of touch 02:55 and you go, "I need to make a date. 02:58 "We need to get together for lunch. 02:59 "We need to keep up with each other's lives." 03:02 And in marriage, it's that kind of work, 03:05 making it the priority where spending that time, 03:09 talking to each other, is worth the effort. 03:14 The rewards are so great. 03:15 It doesn't really feel like, 03:17 well, like I said, "Grit your teeth, and let's, 03:20 "let's work at marriage," 03:23 but you do have to put in some time and effort 03:25 just as you do for a successful business, 03:27 for successful friendship. 03:30 Everything takes work. - Janine and I, you know, 03:32 we were, had a very, not what would I say, 03:34 a few strikes against us. 03:37 As soon as we got married, we weren't Christians, 03:39 which if we hadn't become Christians, 03:42 I think we'd both agree. if Janine was here, 03:44 that we wouldn't be married. 03:46 You know, there was, there was just too many humps, 03:48 too many dips, and everything. 03:49 But we had committed when we got married, 03:52 even though we weren't Christians, 03:53 said, "We're gonna stick it out." 03:55 We didn't realize necessarily all the, 03:57 the bumps and dips, and, and valleys and, 04:00 and mountaintops in between, but God came into our lives, 04:03 and that changed all of that. 04:04 So I, in my mind, I'd preface it with, 04:07 I don't see how you get through marriage without God. 04:10 - [Janice] I don't see how you get through a day 04:12 without God, but you're right. 04:14 If you don't have God at the center, 04:17 I mean that is your focus. 04:18 That's more important than anything else. 04:21 And in my case, I married a man who was already 04:24 a mature Christian. 04:26 I grew a little more. 04:28 My experience, even though I was born into a family 04:32 whose names were on the books, 04:34 you know, technically they belonged to a church, 04:37 but they never attended. 04:38 I never remember them coming to church. 04:40 My grandmother took me, 04:42 but Steve 04:44 had a relationship with Christ 04:47 that I needed to emulate and chose to emulate 04:50 and learn from him because I recognized he had something 04:54 that was deeper than what I had. 04:57 When Christ is the focus, 05:00 and that is what's number one in your marriage, 05:03 automatically, I'm not number one anymore. 05:07 And that's a good thing. 05:09 And in Steve's, in his perspective, 05:12 he's not number one. 05:14 Christ is, so we both have the same number one. 05:18 - It starts out right in the Garden of Eden. 05:20 Basically God says, "A man shall leave mother and father 05:24 "and the woman comes and they join together 05:27 "and become one flesh." 05:29 That doesn't mean-- - And we're better 05:31 together - Yeah. 05:32 - I am a much stronger person, a stronger Christian, 05:35 a better person because I have Steve in my life. 05:39 And I think he would agree the same, 05:41 that he's stronger. 05:44 We each bring something different to that relationship. 05:47 And we recognize each other's strengths and weaknesses. 05:51 And we bolster the one where they're weak 05:55 and are proud of the one where they're strong. 05:59 - Right, at the creation story, God says, 06:01 "Let us make man in our image after our likeness. 06:04 "Created them, he male and female." 06:07 It took a man and a woman to represent the totality of God 06:11 in my mind, I mean, it's 06:12 very plain that-- - 'Cause neither one of us 06:14 is as good separately - has it all. 06:16 - as we are together. - Exactly, exactly, now, 06:19 For Janine and I, like I told you, we, we had some troubles. 06:23 She was an only child. 06:25 I was an only child. - Uh-oh. 06:26 - I don't know of how many (Janice laughs) 06:27 people can understand what that really means, 06:29 when you come into a marriage, 06:30 and you've had all, everything, as yours, 06:34 it's mine, mine, mine, (laughs) 06:36 and all of this, and we came into the marriage with that. 06:39 And all of a sudden, and I actually had had a, 06:42 a good family upbringing. 06:44 My mom and dad, I never saw them fight. 06:46 I still can't imagine how that actually occurred. (laughs) 06:48 (Janice laughs) Never saw them fight. 06:50 Janine, on the other hand, it was fighting all the time. 06:53 And we came into this marriage 06:54 bringing all of this baggage, 06:56 all of this stuff in. 06:58 Boy, it was, it was hard. 07:00 And about the, 07:01 well, I don't know, year five, 07:05 this was getting tough. 07:06 And it was really bad. 07:08 By this time we'd become Christians, 07:10 and we said, we've gotta make this work. 07:12 There, there isn't any option. 07:14 We, we came together for better or for worse. 07:16 And there gets to be some worse. 07:19 And that's, folks have to realize that. 07:21 There is worse; you can't just bail out. 07:24 And we decided, we found a Christian counselor. 07:27 One of the first things she told me is 07:29 "You gotta listen to your wife a little bit." 07:31 (Janice laughs) And that was a real big 07:33 revelation, and, but it worked. 07:36 It was, there were some tremendous things that happened. 07:39 And we also, we went to a seminar one time 07:42 about communication, just what you said earlier. 07:45 Communication is so big. - Mm-hmm. 07:47 - It starts again, back in the Garden of Eden, 07:50 when Adam and Eve disobeyed God, 07:53 they chose to not communicate with God any longer. 07:56 And it drove a wedge also between them 07:59 immediately. - And it happened very 08:00 quickly. - Yeah, immediately. 08:02 "God, it's all your fault; you created the woman. (laughs) 08:06 "It asked the woman, God, it's all your fault. 08:08 "You created the serpent," (Janice laughs) 08:09 and everybody goes away and doesn't talk. 08:13 And that's been the pattern, and the devil loves that. 08:15 If he can bring that in the household, 08:17 he's got the marriage, right? 08:19 - Oh, he does. 08:20 You know, my upbringing was a little more like Janine's. 08:24 I did not have a good example of a strong marriage. 08:30 I had parents who, I realize in retrospect, 08:33 had the same argument for 30 years, 08:38 and it would get a little ugly sometimes. 08:41 They'd go in between, everything would seem fine, 08:44 but it was very, very superficial. 08:46 And then the tension would start to build 08:48 because they never really resolved any of their issues. 08:53 It was just have a flare-up 08:56 and scream and yell and throw things and 09:00 get that little bit out of your system 09:03 and then never talk about it again. 09:06 Steve was so good for me 09:08 because I didn't know how to communicate. 09:12 He knew something was wrong 09:14 when he realized I had stopped talking, 09:17 and he would go, "What's wrong?" 09:18 "Nothing," you know, I don't know if you've ever gotten that 09:21 from Janine, but Steve used to get that a lot. 09:25 And he knew that there was a lot wrong, 09:27 that when I said, "Nothing," it meant exactly 09:30 the opposite. - There's a whole bunch 09:31 of stuff wrong. - Oh yes. 09:33 But he would have to literally kind of badger me 09:35 and nag me to get me to finally tell him what was wrong. 09:40 I was so afraid of having a fight 09:43 that I was just avoiding conflict 09:46 and that's still my go-to position, 09:48 but I realized you have to be a big girl. 09:51 And it is so much better to mention something 09:53 that's bothering you or worrying you, 09:57 - Yeah, I think-- - before it gets to the 09:59 blow-up phase. - I think Janine kind of 10:02 took it to heart about when the Bible says, 10:03 "Don't let the sun go down on your wrath." 10:06 Well, we'd get to nighttime, and when I go to bed, 10:10 I'm ready to go to sleep (Janice laughs) 10:12 and we'd get in the bed and I'm just about to sleep, 10:15 and she wants to talk about the fight 10:16 or whatever we had, you know, - Mm-hmm. 10:18 - earlier in the day. - And you're going, "Can't we 10:19 "talk about it tomorrow?" - I'm ready to go to sleep, 10:21 yeah, but over, over the years, you know, 10:24 I began to realize, "Okay, 10:25 "whatever happened during the day, 10:26 "we've gotta settle - Yeah. 10:28 - before we get to bed, 10:29 you know, there isn't any problem in life 10:31 that's too big that some communication can't handle. 10:35 - Because it doesn't actually go away 10:37 just because you're not talking about it. 10:39 - Oh yeah, and, and I don't know, 10:40 maybe it's a woman thing, 10:42 but a woman has a notebook of everything 10:45 the guy has done wrong forever (Janice laughs) 10:46 and can bring it up at the moment's notice 10:49 - Yes, yes. - of any past history, 10:50 is that right? - We have very good memories. 10:52 - Yeah, yeah, but a guy-- - We're good at keeping lists. 10:54 - A guy doesn't understand, you know, matter of fact, 10:56 what, there's a, 10:57 "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus," 11:00 - Yes. - and it's true. 11:02 Why, because God created us different 11:05 to meld us together to represent 11:07 that perfect oneness in God. 11:09 Doesn't mean 11:11 that I've got to think just like you, 11:13 and you gotta think just like me, 11:15 but we each, in our sphere, bring a, 11:17 a beautiful wholeness to a marriage. 11:20 Have you found that? 11:21 - Oh yes. 11:22 We get into big trouble when I 11:25 keep trying to, well, not lead, 11:27 but when I keep trying to win 11:29 because often that's what it's coming down to. 11:32 I have to take a hard look at myself and realize, 11:36 "Okay, what has you upset right now, Janice? 11:41 "Isn't the issue that you're telling Steve it is." 11:45 What is really at the heart of that is that 11:48 I'm trying 11:50 to win. 11:52 My pride doesn't like to admit that 11:55 he's probably more right than I am right this moment. 11:59 I will keep going, "But what about this? 12:02 "But what about this?" 12:04 And you have to go, sometimes, 12:07 you have to just let it go and say, 12:10 "What's the worst that's gonna happen 12:12 "if I let him win this time?" 12:14 You know, Steve is a fishermen. 12:17 He might be a surgeon for a profession but at heart, 12:21 he is a fisherman. - He's all fisherman, yeah. 12:23 - Yes. 12:24 I have had more friends saying, 12:26 "Janice, how can you stand it 12:28 "that he goes fishing so often? 12:30 "I would never let my husband go that much." 12:34 And I say, "What would I win?" 12:36 If I nagged him, "You're going fishing again? 12:38 "You know, I had a list of things I needed to do today 12:41 "or needed you to do today. 12:43 "And, you know, you're going fishing? 12:45 "You went last weekend; you did this." 12:48 If he stayed home and went, "Fine, 12:50 "where is your list?" 12:52 Would we have a fun time that weekend? 12:54 I might get a few things done. 12:57 You know, he might take care of a few things I had 12:59 on my list, but what would I have won? 13:02 Absolutely nothing. - Yeah, big fat zero. 13:04 Yeah. - Right, that is something 13:06 I let go because I realized 13:10 he might be gone more than I would choose to have him gone, 13:14 but he's in a, such a, a much better mood when he gets home. 13:18 That's his relaxation. 13:20 That's when he can be away from any calls from the hospital. 13:23 He truly can have a good time, 13:27 and when he comes home, he's a happy husband. 13:29 - You know, what I've found is, 13:31 to me, that I look at many marriages, 13:33 and I tell people, you know, the problem is 13:36 you bailed out too soon, you know? 13:38 - Yeah. - We, we've had 50 years 13:39 of marriage, and I kind of joke about, 13:41 "And the last 15 or 20 have been 13:43 "fabulous," you know? (Janice laughs) 13:45 It took, it took all 13:46 that time to begin learning the things. 13:48 You know what I mean? 13:49 Two people outta totally different lives 13:51 melding into one becoming that one in the Lord takes time. 13:55 It, it's like you don't run out in the garden 13:57 and you grab up a, you know, 13:59 something out of the garden when it's halfway grown 14:01 and say, "Oh, wow, it hadn't grown up yet. 14:03 "I, I'm not gonna grow any more onions," 14:05 - Right. - or whatever it is. 14:06 You know, you've gotta give it time, 14:08 and what's exciting is on this end now, 14:11 it is so much fun. 14:13 I mean, you, when you really start becoming one in Christ, 14:16 it's fun, but you've gotta get through the other stuff, too. 14:19 And I think what we're both talking about 14:22 is right back to that beginning: communication. 14:25 You've gotta keep the communication open. 14:28 And one of the things that's helped Janine 14:30 and has, has helped me is a hot tub. (laughs) 14:33 - [Janice] Oh, I would love to have a hot tub. 14:35 I have not talked Steve into having one yet, 14:38 but yes, I think a hot tub would solve a lot of my problems. 14:41 - Yeah, I'd like to tell everybody, 14:42 "Get a hot tub," because (Janice laughs) 14:43 all of a sudden, at nighttime, we get in the hot tub, 14:45 there's only a few feet apart, (laughs) you know? 14:48 - Yeah. - And we start talking. 14:49 We start relaxing under the stars or whatever, 14:51 and you begin talking about things of the day, 14:54 and it's just a wonderful time of communication. 14:57 - I find the same thing, maybe not quite as comfortable 15:01 in the car 15:02 because sometimes it's easier to broach a topic 15:06 when you're not face-to-face. 15:10 Steve is usually driving. 15:13 And if he's driving, he's looking ahead. 15:17 I can bring things up without this intense. 15:21 Somehow that seems a little more 15:22 confrontational. - Well, see, we're, 15:24 we're in the dark at nighttime in the hot tub. 15:25 So yeah, same thing - Same thing. 15:27 It feels a little safer. 15:28 That environment is safer, 15:31 but you're right, it also puts you, 15:32 you're more relaxed. 15:35 There is a time to bring up an issue 15:38 and there are times not to bring up an issue. 15:42 You have to time things correctly. 15:44 And that comes from knowing your spouse. 15:45 - Yeah. - I can tell, 15:47 is this a good time to talk to Steve 15:50 or should I maybe wait, you know? 15:52 A few minutes can make a huge difference. 15:55 - Absolutely. - Let him eat. 15:56 Let him get a few minutes out in his garden first. 16:01 Sometimes you don't need to just be on him 16:03 the moment he walks through the door. 16:04 That's something I learned 16:06 when he was going through his training, 16:08 going through his surgery residency program. 16:11 I realized there were times 16:13 where I was already tense and angry at him 16:17 before he'd even gotten home, 16:19 just because I was doing everything myself. 16:22 And once we had 16:23 our first child while he was still in residency program, 16:27 it was like being a single mom. 16:29 You have all that extra burden in that 16:32 your husband wasn't around when you needed him 16:34 or wanted him. 16:36 And so he would open that door, 16:38 and I was already giving him a litany of everything 16:41 that had gone wrong that day 16:43 and basically blaming him for not being there 16:46 like a decent husband 16:47 would have been. - Yeah. 16:48 - [Janice] Learning that lesson, having that, 16:51 that insight helped a lot. 16:55 I could go, "Okay, he is home now. 16:58 "Let's let him enjoy being home for a little bit 17:01 "before I bring up-- - Caring for your spouse 17:05 for their happiness, that's - Right, thinking about 17:07 the other person and making that a higher priority 17:11 than my emotions at the moment. 17:13 - That's what, when I read, and it says, 17:15 "Husbands, love your wives," well okay, that's good. 17:19 How: as Christ loved the church. 17:22 Whoa, Christ died for the church. 17:26 Do I have that much commitment to my spouse? 17:28 Do I love my spouse that much? 17:30 I mean, that's the goal. 17:32 And so just what you're saying is 17:34 we need to create a situation of whatever I can do 17:37 to make my wife happier. - Right. 17:40 - And if I'm doing that and she is doing that, 17:42 wow, man, it's just this spiral upward, 17:44 - Yeah. - you know, to change 17:46 our hearts and lives. - We live in a society though 17:48 where more and more, it's me, me, me. 17:52 People talk about self care 17:54 and you have to make yourself number one. 17:57 But the, in scripture, 17:59 you make the other number one, 18:02 and you make God number one. 18:04 And like I said, 18:06 at best, you have the second position, 18:09 but that's better than putting yourself 18:10 in the first position. - Yeah. 18:12 - In a marriage, it's God, 18:15 then 18:16 us, your spouse, 18:17 us, 18:19 and then me, because left to my own devices, 18:22 without God, it's hard enough to fight it with God, 18:26 I hate to admit, but without God, 18:29 I would be so selfish and self centered. 18:33 - Yeah. - It is only, 18:35 only God in my life that has made me 18:38 a wife that Steve likes to be with, 18:41 has made me a mother that my kids enjoy being around, 18:44 has made me a friend that friends like to be with, 18:48 because otherwise, I see that in me. 18:51 It's still there to an extent it shouldn't be, you know? 18:55 It's that constant struggle, that daily struggle. 18:58 Don't 18:59 let me step in and be my own God. 19:03 - Yeah, the Lord says, "Die to self." 19:05 How often do we do that? 19:06 He says, "Daily." 19:07 - But we live in a world that's constantly telling us 19:10 to cater to self. - Yeah, yeah, 19:12 And, yeah, that's a, that's a continual struggle, 19:14 but it is interesting. 19:16 When you were talking there. I was thinking about, yeah, 19:17 when, when Janine and I have studied the Bible together, 19:20 we've talked about Biblical things, 19:21 we've prayed together, 19:23 it's so much harder to get up from there and go argue. 19:26 - (laughs) Yeah. - You know, it really is. 19:28 - It is. - Whole different thing. 19:29 Now, speaking of, speaking of arguing, 19:32 one of the things in my mind that causes huge troubles 19:34 in marriage is money. 19:37 You ever had that trouble in your marriage? 19:39 - [Janice] Oh, that's baggage I took into my marriage 19:42 because my parents 19:45 argued about money. 19:46 That was a huge, when dad would sit down 19:49 to do the monthly bills, 19:51 you wanted to be somewhere other than home, 19:53 at, you know, or upstairs in your room or something, 19:57 because you did not want to be around. 19:59 He would be, you know, "Pat, what was this check for? 20:03 "Why do you do, why did it cost that much?" 20:05 Just making my mother account for every penny. 20:09 And I grew up knowing 20:11 money's scary. 20:12 You know, I hate to admit it. 20:14 Boy, I have never balanced my own checkbook. 20:17 (Jim laughs) I know people nowadays 20:19 don't even use a checkbook - You just did now 20:20 on worldwide television. - I, I know, I, 20:24 that's how bad I am with money. 20:26 It's more, 20:27 "Steve, we need a new couch. 20:30 "Can we do that now? 20:31 "Should I wait," (laughs) you know? 20:33 But sometimes when he is doing the bills, 20:36 'cause I happily let him, 20:37 because money to me is terrifying, 20:40 occasionally it would be, 20:42 he just couldn't read my writing on the check or something. 20:45 And so he, he just had a little question. 20:47 "Hey, Janice, what was this?" 20:49 My stomach would tighten up. 20:51 I would practically have a panic attack 20:54 because it's, "Oh no, I'm in trouble, money" 20:57 And Steve has never been like that. 20:59 - Now I'm guessing I've gotta stop you kinda 21:01 in the middle of this because you're talking, 21:02 I'm thinking, "They are gonna be viewers 21:05 that are saying, "Boy she is just under his thumb," 21:08 you know? (laughs) - Oh no, no, I happily 21:09 let him do it. (laughs) 21:12 Nobody, all the organizations I've ever been a member of, 21:15 no one has ever suggested that Janice be treasurer. 21:18 That's not the way our marriage works. 21:21 If it seems like he's in control of the money, 21:23 it's because I asked him to be. 21:25 I let him do that, 21:27 ordered him to do it, (Jim laughs) 21:29 and said, "You are so much better at this. 21:32 "I'm a mess. 21:33 "It's just too emotional for me. 21:35 "Just let me know if I can have the new couch or not." 21:38 But no, no, I, I am my own woman. 21:42 He would, Steve is too, 21:45 too smart of a man, 21:46 too wise a man, 21:48 to take me on. (laughs) 21:49 - (laughs) So you each have your own space. 21:52 - Oh, yeah. - You're, you know, 21:54 things that you like to do and the directions, 21:55 and you each - Mm-hmm. 21:56 - are in harmony about all that. 21:58 - Oh, absolutely, and that's why it works 22:00 because they're-- - How long did it take 22:02 to work? - How long have we been 22:04 married? 22:05 43 years. (laughs) - Took all that time? 22:08 - No, actually, it's gotten better, as you said. 22:11 You, you smooth down those rough edges. 22:15 Things go so much more smoothly now. 22:18 That's why I think you had a good point when you said, 22:20 "People give up too soon sometimes." 22:22 I can look back and see places 22:24 where I could have totally justified saying, 22:28 "That's it; I'm out the door," 22:30 but I'm so glad I didn't. 22:32 - Yeah, it's gotten really good. 22:33 - It has. - Yet another area that 22:36 seems like maybe people should consider 22:38 as kind of a state of the union. 22:41 Each year you get together and you kinda lay things out. 22:44 Where are we; where are we going? 22:46 Let's plan for our future. 22:49 Sometimes I think people, there's an old saying that says, 22:52 you know, "We spend more time planning our vacation 22:54 "than we do the rest of our lives." 22:56 - Oh, absolutely, and I love that idea. 22:59 Every successful organization, 23:02 the board comes together to go, 23:03 "Okay, what are our goals in the next year? 23:05 "How did we do this last year?" 23:07 And it pays to take stock 23:09 before you've really veered off 23:11 from where you want to be. 23:13 That's really good. 23:14 I'm actually gonna remember that. 23:16 - You're gonna remember that, huh? 23:17 (Janice laughs) You know, another area that 23:19 I think about is, and people don't wanna touch it too much 23:23 is the sexuality of a marriage, though. 23:26 I think it's really critical that 23:27 we don't use it as a weapon. 23:30 That it's a situation where, you know, 23:33 the husband and wife in a harmonious Christ-like marriage 23:38 share and are open about all that. 23:39 You don't get, "Well, you know, 23:41 "you were mean to me this morning. 23:43 "I'm gonna make you pay tonight." (laughs) 23:45 (Janice laughs) Now you probably have never 23:47 done that in your marriage. - Not that I'm ever going 23:50 to admit. (laughs) 23:52 - But, but that's something, you know, 23:54 that people fight about that area of their lives, too. 23:58 Any advice for, you know, young, young men, 24:00 young women, you know, young 24:02 married couples? - How much time do we have? 24:03 (Janice laughs) - Oh, you know, not too much 24:04 left, but 24:06 you know, give us a little bit of-- 24:07 - I think it just goes down to 24:09 that same principle of 24:12 not insisting on your own way, your own needs, me, me, me. 24:18 When you have put the other one first, 24:21 when each of you is putting the other first, 24:25 you're going to be so much happier with each other 24:28 that a lot of the relationship literally falls into place. 24:32 - I'm thinking of a Biblical text maybe right now 24:34 that fits exactly what you're saying; you know, 24:36 it's First Corinthians. - I might be thinking of 24:37 the same one, yes. - Yeah, First Corinthians, 24:39 chapter 13, it says "Love is patient and kind." 24:43 Well, we can all use that in a marriage. 24:45 "It doesn't envy or boast 24:47 "nor is it puffed up with its own importance." 24:51 That's where I find I get in the biggest trouble's 24:53 when I think my situation is far more important than yours. 24:57 - Exactly. 24:58 If we were to read that daily 25:01 and go, "Okay, as a husband, as a wife, 25:04 "have I been kind? 25:06 "Have I been patient? 25:08 "Am I a little puffed up with my own self-importance 25:12 "or my own need 25:13 "to win right now? 25:16 If you compared yourself to that, 25:18 that's the point of scripture. 25:20 That scripture is our guide 25:22 because that's what God is like. 25:24 And our goal is to be more like 25:27 Christ. - More like Christ, yeah. 25:28 - And if we were, we'd make the best husbands and wives. 25:33 - But, it doesn't even stop there. 25:34 We've got more too. 25:35 "Love is never rude," never rude. 25:37 Boy, you know, - Ouch. 25:39 I can be so sharp. 25:41 I can, I can send such, - You and me both. 25:42 - I can send such pointed 25:44 arrows, and God says, - Mm-hmm. 25:45 - No, no, no, no, never let them 25:46 out of your quiver, (laughs) 25:48 (Janice laughs) you know? 25:50 "Nor does it behave disorderly. 25:52 "It is not interested in itself." 25:54 Well, that comes-- - That's that basic 25:56 selfish core that I know - Yeah. 25:58 - I've got. - Yeah, it, it, 26:00 back to that, I need to die to self daily. 26:02 - Mm-hmm. - Can't do that unless 26:04 I surrender to God every morning and every day. 26:08 If I put him first, then I'm gonna put my spouse first. 26:11 - And everybody else. - Yeah. 26:13 - It's not just your spouse. 26:15 It's how are you treating everyone else? 26:17 How did you talk to that waitress today? 26:20 You know, how did you, 26:22 how did you react when the UPS man, 26:25 there was a little ding on a corner 26:26 that might not have even been his fault. 26:28 - Yeah. - The neighbor that, 26:31 you know, parks across the line. 26:34 (Jim laughs) What's your reaction 26:36 to the people around you? - Sounds like you've had 26:37 personal experience with some of these things. 26:39 - (laughs) Maybe. 26:40 - (laughs) "Love doesn't enjoy evil, 26:43 "but it's always happy with truth." 26:46 Ooh, and, there's a real key, 26:48 sharing the truth in a marriage, 26:51 "Love bears all things, 26:52 "believes all things, 26:54 "hopes for all things, 26:55 "and endures all things." 26:59 What a, what a key for a, 27:00 for a marriage. - Quite the goal. 27:01 - Yeah, there it is right there. 27:02 We, if we 27:04 say, "God help me to be 27:06 "this counsel 27:08 "to my spouse." - And what I need to do 27:10 is say, "Help me to be that," 27:12 not, "God, look, he needs to be this." (laughs) 27:15 "Change my spouse," yeah. (laughs) 27:17 Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Exactly. 27:23 - Now, marriage can be extremely exciting, 27:26 and it can be your marriage too. 27:29 God created marriage. 27:31 It represents him, the joining of a man and a woman 27:34 becoming one. 27:37 If you'd like that kind of happiness for your marriage, 27:38 if you'd like that kind of joy, 27:40 and you're kind of wondering about it, 27:41 well you can, you can download a free transcript 27:44 of this program, perhaps share it with someone else, 27:46 maybe a spouse or another family, 27:49 another family member. 27:50 Simply go on to TalkingDonkeyInternational.org, 27:54 download your own free copy. 27:55 And blessings in your marriage. 27:57 (gentle music) 28:00 Hey, thanks for joining us for "Country Wisdom." 28:03 - See you next time. (gentle music) |
Revised 2021-02-23