Participants:
Series Code: WHO
Program Code: WHO200016S
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00:26 Hello, I'm Jill Morikone.
00:27 And welcome to 3ABN's Worship Hour. 00:29 We're so glad that you have taken time 00:31 from your day to join us today 00:33 as we open up God's Word and study together. 00:36 Have you ever struggled with a relationship 00:38 whether it's a friend or a co-worker, 00:40 maybe a spouse, maybe a neighbor, 00:44 is there someone in your life 00:46 that maybe you haven't spoken 00:47 with in 10 years or 20 or even 30. 00:51 Do you want to improve 00:53 the quality of your relationships? 00:56 Stay tuned for this message entitled, 00:58 "7 Keys to Building Relationships." 01:02 But first let's turn our hearts toward heaven 01:05 as Tim Parton leads us in worship. 01:10 Thank you, Jill. 01:11 I am moved 01:13 by a couple of sections of Scripture 01:16 in 2 Corinthians 4:16-18. 01:19 It says, "Therefore we do not lose heart. 01:22 Even though our outward man is perishing, 01:24 yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. 01:28 For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, 01:31 is working for us 01:33 a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, 01:36 while we do not look at the things which are seen, 01:39 but at the things which are not seen. 01:41 For the things which are seen are temporary, 01:43 but the things which are not seen 01:45 are eternal." 01:47 And in Romans 12:12, we read, 01:49 "Rejoice in hope, 01:51 be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." 01:55 In fact, I want to lead us in some prayer, 01:58 some requests have come in, 02:04 and listen to these and pray along 02:06 and let's take time to seek God. 02:12 A gentleman writes in talking about a job, says, 02:16 "I'm in between jobs 02:18 the last employment contract lapsed 02:20 due to the virus 02:22 and it may still be weeks before I'm called in again. 02:25 In the meantime, 02:26 I've been also applying for new jobs 02:29 without much success. 02:31 Please pray for me and my family 02:32 so I can be strong in this difficult time." 02:37 Father, I know that there are so many 02:38 who are watching who are in need of work. 02:42 Father, I just ask 02:44 that You would provide every need. 02:48 Father, You've promised that You would. 02:51 Thank You that You are Jehovah-jireh, 02:53 our provider. 02:55 Help us to trust and believe 02:57 that our needs are met 03:00 according to Your riches and glory. 03:04 There's one who has written in who has cancer, 03:08 she is asking for prayer. 03:11 Father God, You are the great healer. 03:14 Lord, we're just looking to you to be our healing. 03:17 Father, so many of our viewers are battling physical ailments, 03:22 mental needs, again, financial and spiritual, 03:28 but healing of the body 03:30 seems to be the one that can bear, 03:35 can cause such trouble in our spirits 03:39 and get us down so easily. 03:42 And, Father Lord, we know that You are able to heal. 03:44 So I'm asking O God 03:45 that You would heal those diseases 03:50 the cancer and the various trouble 03:54 that people are having in their bodies, O God, 03:58 bring about Your healing, Lord. 04:03 There is a request for prayer for a marriage. 04:06 "Please pray for me and my husband, 04:08 we need your prayers 04:10 for our journey in our marriage. 04:12 The enemy has been shaking us for years. 04:15 We have two beautiful children, 04:18 pray for them also." 04:19 Lord, I pray for families. 04:23 Lord, this world is not a friend to families. 04:29 We need You, Lord, 04:31 in our marriages and our relationships. 04:34 Lord, I pray in Jesus name 04:39 that You would give us wisdom 04:44 in our relationships. 04:47 Thank You, Jesus, for Your goodness to us, Lord. 04:49 We love You, Father. 04:53 Thank You, Father. 04:56 Jesus, Jesus 05:01 Lord to me 05:06 Master, Savior 05:10 Prince of Peace 05:14 Ruler of my heart 05:20 Today 05:23 Jesus 05:25 Lord 05:27 To me 05:34 There is no name 05:36 In earth or heaven above 05:41 That we should give 05:43 Such honor and such love 05:49 As the blessed name 05:54 Let us all acclaim 05:57 That wondrous 05:59 Glorious name 06:01 Of Jesus 06:06 Jesus 06:08 Is the sweetest name I know 06:13 And He's just the same 06:18 As His lovely name 06:24 That's the reason 06:26 Why I love Him so 06:32 For Jesus is the sweetest name 06:38 I know 06:41 Sing that again with me. 06:43 Jesus 06:44 Is the sweetest name I know 06:50 And He's just the same 06:54 As His lovely name 07:00 That's the reason 07:02 Why I love Him so 07:08 For Jesus 07:11 Is the sweetest name I know 07:21 Yes, Jesus 07:24 Is the sweetest name 07:30 I know. 07:50 Thank you so much, Tim. 07:52 "Jesus is the sweetest name I know." 07:56 I love that song. 07:58 We're talking today 07:59 about 7 Keys to Building Relationships. 08:04 I have here a little box I wanna show to you right now. 08:07 This key sits on my dresser at home 08:12 and it sat on there for probably 18 years. 08:15 You can see the top of it is really faded 08:17 because the sun has hit it a good many days, 08:20 but inside is in one of those old-fashioned skeleton keys. 08:25 I don't know if you ever have seen 08:26 one of these keys. 08:28 When I was in college, 08:29 we used one of these keys to open up the lock in my room, 08:33 but this key was how the relationship 08:37 between my husband Greg and I began with this key. 08:40 He gave it to me in October of 2001, 08:43 it has my initials JP on one side 08:45 'cause we weren't married then 08:47 and his initials GM on the other side. 08:50 And if I close my eyes, 08:53 I can still smell the smell of the pines, 08:56 I can hear the water rippling in the lake 08:59 we were sitting right next to. 09:02 I can just feel the sun on my face, 09:07 and I can hear Greg's voice. 09:10 As he said, "Jilly, I've given you my heart." 09:15 And this key represents the key to my heart. 09:19 And I want to work to win your heart. 09:23 That was at the beginning of our relationship. 09:26 This was even before we're engaged. 09:28 That's the beginning of our relationship, 09:29 we've been friends for years. 09:31 And he said, "This represents the key to my heart." 09:35 And I want to work to win yours. 09:38 Genesis 2:18, you know this verse, 09:41 the Word of God says, 09:43 "It is not good that man should be alone, 09:45 I will make him a help meet or a helper comparable to him." 09:51 Now lest do you think this message 09:53 is about marriage, 09:54 it is not 09:55 because God created us, 09:58 you and I to live in community 10:02 whether that is a husband and wife, 10:04 a spouse relationship, whether that is friendships, 10:07 whether that is neighbors or co-workers, 10:10 relationships in general part of the body of Christ. 10:14 God created us to live in community. 10:17 We need each other. 10:20 You know the ultimate relationship, 10:22 of course, comes from the Lord Jesus Christ. 10:25 I think about that relationship 10:27 He wants to have with each one of us. 10:31 John 17:3 10:33 if you wanna turn in your Bibles there with me, 10:35 John 17:3. 10:36 I love John 17. 10:37 You know John 13 10:39 is that entire foot washing experience. 10:42 Jesus washing His disciples' feet 10:44 humbling Himself as a servant. 10:48 And the disciple said, 10:49 "I don't want You to wash my feet." 10:50 And Jesus said, "No, he's doing this." 10:53 So that whole process we see Him humbling Himself, 10:56 that's John Chapter 13. 10:58 And then we see John 14, 15, 16, and 17, 11:01 all have this counsel, you could say, 11:05 Jesus gave to His disciples 11:07 right before He went to the cross. 11:10 John 17, of course, is His prayer for unity. 11:13 Jesus' prayer for unity. 11:16 He prays for Himself. 11:17 He prays for His disciples. 11:20 He prays for you and I down, 11:22 looking down through the stream of time. 11:24 In John 17:3, He says, 11:28 "This is life eternal or eternal life 11:30 that you may know Me, the only true God, 11:34 and Jesus Christ whom He has sent." 11:37 Well, you see we were created 11:39 to live in relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ. 11:43 Sin brought disunion, sin brought fear and guilt, 11:47 sin brought a separation from God, 11:50 but Jesus came to restore that relationship 11:55 and to bring us back into harmony with God. 11:58 2 Corinthians 5:18, one of my favorite verses. 12:02 "All things are of God, 12:03 who has reconciled or brought back together 12:07 us to Himself through," whom? 12:09 "Through Jesus Christ, and has given to us, " 12:12 that's you and to me, 12:14 "the ministry of reconciliation." 12:18 Jesus brought healing, 12:19 He came to restore that broken bond 12:22 we had with the Father to restore us back into unity. 12:26 Let's pray. 12:28 Holy Father, we come before You right now. 12:31 Thanking You for the gift of Jesus. 12:34 Thanking You for the gift of Your Word and Your Spirit. 12:38 Would You come just now 12:40 and open up our hearts and minds 12:43 to receive what You have for us in Jesus' name. 12:48 Amen. 12:49 She was a beautiful girl, blonde hair, gorgeous smile, 12:54 even white teeth, 12:55 I would call it like a peaches and cream complexion. 12:59 She was an upperclassman in academy. 13:02 I was a brand new teacher. 13:04 First job out of college, 13:06 I was 22 years old and I knew literally nothing. 13:12 I was so caught up in that busyness of teaching 13:15 for the first time 13:16 of not really knowing how to make lesson plans, 13:19 but trying to make them any way, 13:21 of grading papers and doing all of that, 13:24 that I didn't take time to ask Megan. 13:28 We'll call her that to ask Megan about her heart. 13:31 I didn't take time to ask how she was doing. 13:34 And so the weeks went by and time went on, 13:37 I was busy and occupied 13:40 and she seemed to be doing fine, 13:41 and then maybe about halfway through the year 13:44 our school went on a retreat. 13:48 And I'll never forget, Megan said, 13:50 "Can I talk to you, Miss Jill." 13:51 And I said, "Of course, I'd love to talk to you." 13:54 So we sat down and she was wearing 13:56 one of those long-sleeved flannel shirts 13:59 and it kind of struck me like I hadn't noticed 14:02 that she always wore long-sleeve shirts 14:04 and I wondered why. 14:06 And she said, "I wanna show you something." 14:08 And she unbuttoned her shirt sleeve 14:12 and she started to roll up her sleeve 14:15 and I could see all of a sudden slashes, 14:19 dried blood criss-crossing her arm. 14:23 And I just caught my breath and I said, "Megan." 14:26 And she said, "No, no, Miss Jill, look." 14:29 And she turned her arm so I could see 14:32 it wasn't just slashes in her skin, 14:35 but she had actually cut herself 14:37 to spell two words 14:40 help H-E-L-P me, help me. 14:46 And I remember I sat there and I cried. 14:50 There was a beautiful girl desperate for a relationship, 14:55 desperate to see someone, to love someone, 15:00 to have someone in her life, and yet I had been too busy, 15:06 too busy to notice the pain in her life, 15:09 too busy to notice the pain in her eyes, too busy. 15:14 We need each other. 15:16 God created us to live in community. 15:21 I told you I'm gonna give you 15:23 seven keys to building relationships 15:25 you know I like lists, so here's the seven, 15:28 and then we'll go back and unpack each one of them. 15:31 Number one, be intentional. 15:34 Number two, be friendly. 15:36 Be kind, be honest, 15:40 be aware, be trustworthy, 15:43 and be receptive. 15:46 So let's go back and unpack them. 15:47 Number one, be intentional. 15:48 What in the world does intentionality mean? 15:51 What does it mean to be intentional? 15:54 It means to something done on purpose, 15:58 deliberate or calculated. 16:01 Do you want friends? 16:02 Do you want relationships in your life? 16:06 Be intentional, make a choice. 16:09 Be deliberate 16:10 with what you say in what you do. 16:11 You know, often even from a young age 16:14 we teach children, what do we teach them? 16:16 You need to make a choice for Jesus. 16:19 Make a choice to follow Him. 16:21 Ask Him into your heart. 16:23 Make a decision to join the church. 16:25 Or make a decision to be baptized. 16:28 In fact, Joshua tells us this. 16:31 And this is a biblical thing. 16:32 So I'm not saying it's not biblical. 16:34 Joshua tells us 16:36 we need to make a choice to follow Jesus. 16:38 Remember, at the end of Joshua's life, 16:40 Joshua 24:15. 16:43 He says, 16:44 "If it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, 16:48 choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve." 16:53 You see, Joshua had served his whole life 16:56 had followed the Lord Jesus. 16:57 He had made his choice to follow God years ago 17:01 and he had led these people the children of Israel 17:04 through many battles, many trials, 17:08 many times where they had chosen God, 17:11 but then chosen to walk away from God 17:14 and he's appealing to them, 17:16 make a choice who you're going to serve, 17:19 "Whether the gods which your fathers served 17:21 which were on the other side of the River 17:23 or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell." 17:27 He's saying, 17:29 are you gonna follow because of tradition? 17:30 Are you following Jesus 17:32 because you were raised that way 17:33 'cause your mama and daddy did it 17:34 or 'cause your grandfather and grandmother did it? 17:37 Are you going to do it 17:38 because of peer pressure of those who are around you 17:42 or are you gonna do it for yourself? 17:44 "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." 17:49 Just as we make you and I 17:51 need to make every day a choice for the Lord Jesus. 17:55 We also need to be intentional in our friendships. 17:59 You know, sometimes we think 18:00 friendships just happen by themselves 18:03 or relationships just happen by themselves. 18:07 Maybe you might think, 18:08 I'm definitely a good enough friend 18:11 or maybe you think why do people not like me? 18:17 Why don't I have more friends? 18:19 Look inside. 18:20 Are you being intentional? 18:23 We need to be intentional about choosing a friend 18:25 and the most important quality to look for a friend 18:28 is choose a friend who loves Jesus. 18:32 That's quality number one is to choose someone, 18:35 choose to build relationships with people who love Jesus. 18:40 1 John 1:7, you know, we quote many times 1 John 1:9, 18:46 "If we confess our sins, He's faithful and just, " 18:48 but we're not going there two verses back, 1 John 1:7, 18:52 the Word of God says, 18:53 "If we walk in the light as He is in the light, 18:57 we have fellowship with one another, 19:01 and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us 19:05 from all sin." 19:06 What is John saying there? 19:08 In the Book of 1 John, you see this word fellowship. 19:10 This word Koinonia, 19:12 many times it talks about a spiritual connection, 19:16 a spiritual fellowship. 19:18 Have you ever noticed 19:19 that you can have a closer connection 19:22 with someone who is in Christ 19:23 than maybe even your literal own family. 19:27 It says, "If we walk in the light, " 19:28 meaning if we have chosen to follow Jesus 19:31 and someone else over here 19:33 has chosen to follow Jesus, what happens? 19:35 You and I have fellowship 19:38 and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us 19:41 from all sin. 19:42 So key number one in building relationships 19:45 is to be intentional about your relationships. 19:49 Don't just assume 19:50 they're going to happen by chance, 19:52 but be intentional about them. 19:55 Principle number two, be friendly. 19:59 Proverbs 18:24 says, 20:02 "A man who has friends must," what? 20:05 King James says, I've memorized it, 20:07 "Must shew himself friendly." 20:09 New King James says, "Must himself be friendly, 20:13 but there is a friend who sticks closer 20:15 than a brother." 20:17 I love this quote. 20:19 I've learned that people will forget 20:21 what you said. 20:23 People will forget what you did, 20:26 but people never forget how you made them feel. 20:32 So people definitely forget our actions 20:34 and they forget our words, 20:35 but they never forget how we made them feel. 20:39 Be friendly. 20:40 You know, the story is told of a woman 20:42 who was very depressed 20:44 and she lived in her house with the shades drawn. 20:48 And she didn't feel 20:49 like getting out of bed in the morning. 20:52 And she just, 20:53 every morning woke up and thought 20:55 it's not a very good day 20:57 and I'm not sure, I'm not very happy, 20:59 I don't think I'm gonna go out and talk to anybody today. 21:02 I'm definitely not gonna go out and volunteer. 21:05 I'm not gonna go out to lunch with any of my girlfriends. 21:08 I am going to stay home with the shades drawn, 21:12 and I'm gonna stay in bed. 21:13 So she lived day after day, week after week of her life, 21:19 miserable, sad, depressed, and alone. 21:23 And then one day, she had a visit from doctor 21:27 who said, 21:29 "You got some really beautiful violets 21:30 here in your home." 21:32 And violets were something that she really liked. 21:33 And she had watered them taking care of them. 21:36 Now I don't have a very good green thumb. 21:39 So I assure you, if they were in my house, 21:41 they would have died 21:42 if Greg had not taken care of them, 21:44 but in this lady's house, 21:45 she was very good with her violets 21:47 and they were beautiful. 21:48 And they said, "Why don't every day 21:51 you take a violet to someone outside your home." 21:54 And she thought, 21:55 she'd been inside so much cooped up, 21:57 she'd been in the bed, 21:58 she'd been in the house with the shades drawn, 22:00 she was so depressed, 22:01 she did not want to get out into going. 22:04 And she decided, "I guess I can try it." 22:07 So the next day she took one violent, 22:11 and she took it to someone. 22:12 And the smile on their face 22:14 and the encouragement that they felt 22:16 and pretty soon she thought, 22:18 "I feel a little better." 22:19 And then the next day she took another violet 22:21 and the day after that she took another one. 22:24 And the difference that made in her life, 22:27 the shades went up, 22:28 she got out of bed in the morning. 22:31 Her life developed purpose and friendships. 22:35 You know, those who bring sunshine 22:37 to the lives of other people 22:38 cannot keep that sunshine from themselves. 22:41 In other words, if you feel depressed, 22:43 smile at somebody else. 22:45 If you're lost, encourage someone else. 22:48 If you're lonely pick up your phone 22:52 and call someone else. 22:54 If someone has hurt you reach out in kindness 22:58 to someone else. 23:00 So key number two is we're called to be friendly, 23:05 to get out of ourselves, 23:07 to get out of what we're dealing with, 23:10 and be friendly with someone else. 23:13 Key number three, be kind. 23:15 Now you might be thinking, 23:17 I'm going to one of those well-known scriptures 23:19 on kindness. 23:20 And I like these Ephesians 4:32 says, 23:23 "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, 23:25 forgiving one another, even as Christ forgave you." 23:29 I think about Colossians 3:12, it says, "As the elect of God, 23:33 holy and beloved, 23:34 put on mercies, kindness, humility, 23:37 meekness, longsuffering." 23:39 But that's not where we're going. 23:41 Turn with me to 2 Samuel. 23:43 2 Samuel Chapter 2. 23:44 This is a place where you would not expect 23:47 or think 23:49 that you're going to find kindness. 23:51 This is 2 Samuel Chapter 2. 23:53 Now remember, 23:54 Saul had been the first king of Israel. 23:57 And this is, of course, 23:58 before the division of Israel and Judah. 24:00 And Saul was the first king. 24:04 The second king, do you remember who that was? 24:06 That was David. 24:07 Now remember, 24:08 he hid from Saul in the wilderness 24:10 and he was attacked by Saul 24:12 and he almost was killed many times by Saul. 24:15 Remember, the prophet Samuel had anointed David 24:18 to be king over Israel, 24:19 and he had done that anointing more in private. 24:22 Now this is a public anointing 24:24 of the leaders of Judah over David. 24:30 So we're in 2 Samuel 2:4-7. 24:34 2 Samuel 2:4-7, "Then the men of Judah came, 24:38 and there they anointed David king 24:40 over the house of Judah." 24:42 Now this is that public anointing 24:44 'cause Samuel had already done it before. 24:46 "And they told David, saying, 24:48 'The men of Jabesh Gilead were the ones who buried Saul.' 24:51 So David sent messengers to the men of Jabesh Gilead, 24:54 and said to them, 24:55 'You are blessed of the Lord, 24:57 for you have shown this kindness 25:00 to your Lord," to Saul, 25:02 "and have buried him." 25:03 You notice that word kindness. 25:05 "And now may the Lord show kindness and truth to you. 25:09 I will also repay you this kindness, " 25:12 there it is again the third time, 25:14 "and because you have done this thing.'" 25:16 Verse 7, "Now therefore, let your hands be strengthened, 25:20 and be valiant, for your master Saul is dead, 25:23 and also the house of Judah has anointed me 25:25 king over them." 25:26 Now at first you might say what in the world Jill, 25:28 does this have to do with anything? 25:32 Would you say Saul had been a good king 25:34 or a bad king? 25:36 We know clearly when he began, 25:38 he was humble 25:39 and he wanted to serve the Lord, 25:40 but that is not the way that Saul ended up. 25:43 Throughout his reign, 25:45 he became proud and boastful he thought of himself, 25:47 he was definitely mentally unbalanced. 25:51 And yet, God called those people 25:55 to still be kind, 25:57 to show respect 26:00 and to be kind to someone 26:01 that we might not even deem worthy of respect. 26:04 These men might have said, 26:05 "Hey, why would we even do this for Saul?" 26:08 Because he hunted David, and he was a murderer, 26:10 and he did all these things. 26:12 And he's egotistical 26:13 and he is not the leader I wanna follow 26:15 and not the leader that I think 26:16 that God wants us to have here in Israel. 26:19 And yet they showed kindness. 26:22 That's powerful to me. 26:25 Why do we show kindness? 26:26 We're called to show kindness toward people, 26:29 even when they're aren't worthy of respect, 26:33 even when they're not even our friends. 26:36 It's easy to be kind 26:37 when other people are kind to you. 26:39 It's painless to reach out to people 26:41 when they don't have any prickles on them, 26:43 but the real test comes when we're called to be kind 26:46 when it costs us something when it hurts. 26:49 Now I wanna be clear here. 26:50 We're talking about seven keys to building relationships, 26:53 not all relationships are friendships. 26:56 So this is not seven keys to building friendships. 26:58 It could, of course, apply to friendships, 27:00 but really 27:01 not all relationships are meant to be friendships 27:04 'cause some people you might need to be 27:05 a little more careful with, 27:07 but we are called still to be kind to everyone. 27:12 I love this quote, I don't know where it's found, 27:15 but it says, "The world is full of kind people. 27:18 And if you can't find a kind person, 27:22 you can choose to be one." 27:24 So the first key to building relationships 27:26 is be intentional. 27:27 Key number two, be friendly. 27:29 Key number three, be kind. 27:31 Number four, be honest. 27:34 Proverbs 12:22, 27:37 "Lying lips are an abomination to the Lord, 27:41 but those who deal truly or truthfully are His delight." 27:47 Another Proverbs on this about the tongue. 27:50 Proverbs 18:21, 27:52 "Death and life are in the power of the tongue, 27:55 and those who love it will eat of its fruits." 28:01 You know, honesty does not mean 28:03 that you sweep things under the carpet. 28:06 Honesty does not mean 28:07 that you ignore difficulties in the relationship. 28:11 Honesty does not mean 28:13 that you pretend everything is fine, 28:15 or put on a mask and try to be a good Christian 28:19 when you're talking and walking with others. 28:22 You know, the first year of Greg 28:24 in my marriage, 28:25 we had a discussion. 28:28 So we'll just call it a discussion 28:30 for our purposes here today. 28:32 It was a lively discussion. 28:34 And I can't tell you what we argued, 28:36 I was gonna say argued what we discussed 28:38 because I don't remember it's been almost 18 years ago, 28:41 and I have no idea what it was about, 28:44 but I can just tell you this. 28:45 I know that I was right. 28:47 And clearly, in my mind, he was in the wrong. 28:51 And I remember, 28:52 I kind of wore that little chip thing 28:53 on your shoulder. 28:55 I don't know if you've ever done that. 28:56 I think women especially are kind of good at that. 28:59 And I kind of went about the house like? 29:02 Okay, so I knew it was wrong. 29:04 And I knew God had called me to be kind. 29:07 And I knew I was supposed to be honest 29:09 about what I was feeling and dealing with inside, 29:12 but I did not want to. 29:16 And so I'll never forget, 29:18 I don't know, maybe an hour or two went by, 29:20 and then Greg said, "Jilly, can we pray about it?" 29:23 And I did not want to pray 29:27 'cause I knew if I went to God in prayer, 29:29 He might say, "Jill, you're at fault here." 29:32 Jill, you have some ego or Jill clearly, 29:35 even if the principle of the matter 29:37 you might have been right, 29:38 your spirit is definitely wrong. 29:42 And yet, I didn't want to admit that. 29:45 So we now down by a little couch. 29:47 And I never forget Greg prayed first 29:50 which I was so grateful for, 29:53 but the first words out of his mouth, 29:55 the Holy Spirit used that in my own heart and life 30:00 to bring conviction of my own sin. 30:04 The first words Greg said 30:06 was, "Father, forgive me 30:09 for not being the husband to Jill that I should be." 30:14 And that immediately the Holy Spirit spoke and said, 30:17 "Jill, you're clearly not being the wife you want to be. 30:20 And you're not being the woman that I've called you to be." 30:23 And so we asked forgiveness of each other and moved on. 30:28 Honesty, there's two, 30:30 you could say on either side of the ditch. 30:32 Sometimes we think we were afraid to be honest. 30:34 So we hide things 30:36 or pretend that everything's fine 30:38 when it's really not. 30:40 And on the flip side, 30:42 honesty does not mean 30:43 that we can just go tell people off 30:45 or that we say what we want, 30:47 when we want, 30:49 and how we want 30:50 or that we just hold to the truth 30:53 and say the truth 30:54 regardless of how it comes across. 30:58 I think what you say matters clearly, 31:00 what you say is very important, 31:03 but how I say it 31:06 matters even more than the words that I speak. 31:09 In other words, 31:10 the spirit behind matters the most. 31:15 I don't know if you've ever had the experience 31:17 where someone speaks into your life. 31:20 I know just this week. 31:23 I'm gonna pull it up here in my email. 31:24 Just this week, 31:26 I got an email from a friend of mine. 31:29 And they said, 31:31 "Jill, apparently you were meant 31:33 to read this today. 31:35 I'm not sure why, 31:36 but I am impressed to send you this passage 31:40 from Joshua 1:2-9." 31:43 And then they talked about this passage 31:45 it's, of course, when Moses had died 31:48 and Joshua was picking up the leadership 31:50 and moving forward, 31:51 taking the people into the Promised Land, 31:54 and then they had highlighted certain things, 31:56 "Be strong and of a good courage. 31:57 Be strong and courageous." 31:59 It says, "Do not fear nor be dismayed, 32:02 for the Lord your God my God is with you." 32:05 And then it ends with, this email ends with, 32:07 "God has everything worked out, Jill. 32:09 He is faithful to finish 32:11 what He has started in your life. 32:14 Let me know if there is any way I can lift your arms up." 32:18 So that is someone 32:19 who's choosing to speak into my life, 32:23 choosing to bring encouragement, 32:25 and choosing to be honest, to share the truth as it were, 32:30 but yet share that in love. 32:32 Truth is always to be combined with love and kindness. 32:37 Ephesians 4:15-16. 32:39 Paul says, "Speak the truth in love. 32:44 And then we will grow up into all things unto Him 32:46 who is the head even Christ from whom the whole body, 32:50 joined and knit together by what every joint supplies, 32:53 according to the effective working 32:55 by which every part does its share, 32:58 causes growth of the body 32:59 for the edifying of itself in love." 33:02 But that whole passage begins 33:04 with we are called to speak the truth. 33:06 Yes. 33:07 But we are called to speak that truth in life. 33:10 So we're called to be intentional, 33:12 we're to be friendly, to be kind, to be honest. 33:15 Key number five, be aware. 33:19 I met once self-proclaimed amazing pianist. 33:25 So what I mean by that was, 33:27 we were in church 33:29 here at the Thompsonville Seventh-day Adventist Church. 33:31 And I remember certain gentlemen 33:33 had played special music for church, 33:36 and then, after the service, 33:37 he came down 33:38 and he kind of extended his hand 33:40 and he said, "Hi." 33:41 He said, "My name is..." We won't give his name. 33:43 And he said, "I am an amazing pianist." 33:47 And I kind of smiled, 33:48 what you're supposed to do 33:49 when people are so high in themselves, 33:51 they drive you nuts. 33:52 So I kind of smiled and I just said, 33:54 "It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. So and so." 33:57 And then he proceeded to regale me with probably 5, 34:01 maybe even 10 minutes of stories 34:03 of his amazing virtuosity 34:06 and how he was so gifted at the piano. 34:08 And as he rambled on literally he did, 34:12 I thought of the amazing pianist 34:13 that I do know, 34:15 people who just make the piano laugh and cry and sing and, 34:18 and speak and minister to the heart. 34:23 It was clearly a turnoff to me 34:26 because that was the first time I'd met him. 34:28 And those were the first words out of his mouth, 34:29 but what if I had associated with this gentleman 34:31 for a day a week, a month, a year? 34:36 What if he became a close friend? 34:37 Would those qualities begin to rub off on me? 34:44 You see, we become what we behold, 34:46 and we become who our friends are. 34:51 1 Corinthians 15:33, 34:54 "Do not be deceived. 34:55 'Evil company corrupts good habits.'" 34:59 And we can say on the flip side, 35:01 if you associate with people who love God, 35:05 and who want to follow Him and serve Him, 35:07 what happens? 35:09 We become just a bit more like Jesus. 35:12 Proverbs 13:20, 35:14 "He who walks with wise men will be wise, 35:17 but the companion of fools will be destroyed." 35:21 I like the New Living Translation of that. 35:23 It says, "Walk with the wise and become wise." Why? 35:28 That's because we become what we behold. 35:31 "Associate with fools 35:32 and you're going to get in trouble." 35:36 So you look at your life, who do you want to be? 35:40 Be aware of the people that you are friends with, 35:44 for they will shape who you become, 35:46 it might be a year from now or 2 years or 10 years, 35:51 but the people you are friends with 35:53 will shape who you become, 35:56 be intentional of the friends that you choose. 36:00 Number six, we're gonna spend a bit of time on number six. 36:02 Key number six is be trustworthy. 36:06 You know, there is a saying I like, 36:08 "Trust everybody with nothing. 36:13 Trust many people with just a little bit. 36:18 Trust some people with some. 36:21 Trust few people with much. 36:24 And trust almost nobody with everything." 36:29 Why is that? 36:30 Because to find a trustworthy person, 36:33 to find a trustworthy friend is pretty rare. 36:37 One of my friends gave me this I made a copy of it. 36:41 It sits on my desk. 36:44 It says, "Oh, the comfort, 36:46 the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, 36:51 having neither to weigh thoughts 36:52 nor measure words, 36:54 but to pour them all out, 36:56 just as they are, 36:57 knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, 37:01 keep what is worth keeping, 37:03 and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away." 37:08 That is a rare friend, a trustworthy friend. 37:12 Luke 6:31. 37:14 The New Living Translation says, 37:15 "Do to others as you would like them 37:17 to do to you." 37:19 We know it says, 37:20 "Do unto others as you want them to do to you." 37:22 Do you want someone to not gossip about you? 37:25 Then choose not to gossip about other people. 37:27 Do you want someone to be trustworthy 37:29 and to hold those secrets, 37:31 to hold those things in your heart? 37:33 Then choose to be confidential in your relationship with them. 37:37 Do you want someone you can rely on and depend on? 37:41 Choose to be someone 37:43 that other people can rely on and depend on. 37:47 I wanna spend just a moment 37:49 on this danger of gossip in relationships. 37:53 It's an interesting conundrum 37:56 because many people say that women are gossipers. 37:59 And you've probably heard that 38:00 and I have personally experienced that 38:03 with quite a few people in my life. 38:04 And that is true. I think women like to talk. 38:07 That's just a given. 38:10 But I think men can fall into this trap of gossiping too 38:15 and have seen that 38:18 where it affects us as humans in general 38:20 this issue of gossiping. 38:22 Gossiping is casual conversation 38:25 about other people, 38:27 typically involving details 38:29 that are not confirmed as being true. 38:30 So in other words, 38:32 it's making assumptions about other people. 38:35 It's sharing information that might not even be true, 38:39 but it seems exciting to share or it seems enticing. 38:43 Exodus 23:1, 38:46 "You shall not circulate a false report. 38:50 Do not put your hand with the wicked 38:52 to be an unrighteous witness." 38:55 We are called to not circulate false things, 38:58 rumors, gossip about other people. 39:02 Ephesians 4:29. 39:03 Paul says, "Let no corrupt communication 39:06 proceed out of your mouth, 39:07 but what is good for necessary edification, 39:11 that it may impart grace to the hearers." 39:14 Now the word corrupt in the Greek 39:15 let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth. 39:18 That word corrupt 39:20 literally means rotten, useless. 39:24 Corrupt like a rotten vegetable. 39:27 You ever, I don't know if you have compost 39:28 or if you throw your compost in the trash, 39:30 but if you throw it in the trash, 39:32 pretty soon it starts to stink. 39:35 Vegetables, they start to have an odor 39:37 if you just leave them out in the trash. 39:40 Let no rotten useless words 39:45 proceed out of your mouth. 39:48 Have I ever spoken a useless word? 39:53 Absolutely I have. 39:54 Have I ever spoken a rotten word 39:58 or a word that is not pleasing to God? 40:02 Absolutely. 40:04 I'm thankful 40:06 that God can forgive and God can restore. 40:10 James 4:11. 40:11 One more word, 40:13 scripture from the Word of God on this danger of gossip. 40:17 James 4:11, 40:19 "Do not speak evil of one another, brethren. 40:22 He who speaks evil of a brother and judges his brother, 40:27 speaks evil of the law and judges the law." 40:31 Now that word speaks evil. 40:33 It occurs three times in that one verse 40:36 and that Greek word only happens 40:37 five times in the entire New Testament. 40:40 Three of those times is in this one verse. 40:42 "Do not speak evil of one another." 40:46 Do not speak evil 40:47 and it literally means 40:48 to detract from someone's reputation, 40:52 by malice of speech directed against a neighbor. 40:56 What is that? 40:58 That's gossip, plain and simple. 40:59 You gossip destroys trust 'cause what do people think? 41:03 Are they gonna be gossiping about me too? 41:05 It demeans others, it puts people down. 41:09 Usually not always, 41:10 but usually gossip would be negative, 41:12 and it divides friends. 41:14 You think I used to be their friend, 41:15 but now I'm not so sure if they are trustworthy. 41:21 Be someone that other people can trust, 41:25 with their secrets, with their feelings and fears, 41:27 with the good and the bad. 41:29 I want to touch just a moment 41:31 on the importance of forgiveness. 41:34 This is all encapsulated in this section 41:36 on being trustworthy, 41:37 not gossiping about other people. 41:41 The importance of forgiveness. 41:45 Now in our relationship with God, clearly, 41:48 it's important that we receive and accept His forgiveness 41:52 that He freely extends to us. 41:54 1 John 1:9, "If we confess our sins, 41:57 He's faithful and just to forgive us 42:00 and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 42:03 You notice that forgiveness is not just instantly offered. 42:06 It is freely extended, 42:08 but you and I have to confess and forsake, 42:11 and then freely He extends, 42:14 the Lord Jesus extends His forgiveness to us. 42:17 There's a verse in the Old Testament 42:19 that says something 42:20 very similar to that in 1 John 1:9. 42:22 This is found in Isaiah Chapter 43, 42:26 Isaiah 43:25-26. 42:29 The same sentiment is expressed there, 42:31 "I, even I, " God is speaking, 42:34 "I, even I, 42:35 am He who blots out your transgressions 42:40 for My own sake, 42:41 and I will not remember your sins." 42:44 That's the same concept 42:46 that God is faithful 42:48 and just to forgive us and cleanse us. 42:49 He will blot out our sins and will not remember them. 42:53 And then verse 26 42:54 has to do with this concept of confessing and asking. 42:58 It says, "Put Me in remembrance, 43:00 let us contend together, state your case, 43:03 that you may be acquitted." 43:05 There again, we state the case meaning, 43:07 we ask God for that forgiveness, 43:10 and He freely extends it, 43:13 but what about forgiveness for other people? 43:17 I have to say this is a tremendous gift. 43:20 In my own relationship with Greg, 43:22 we've been married just about 18 years, 43:25 almost 18 years. 43:26 And in 18 years, 43:28 I cannot think of one time in 18 years, 43:34 that he has intentionally hurt me, not once. 43:39 Now there have been times in our marriage 43:41 where I have felt hurt, 43:42 but it was not an intentional act 43:45 on his part. 43:47 The command of God is very clear 43:49 in this concept of forgiving other people. 43:53 Colossians 3:12-13, 43:56 "Therefore, as the elect of God, 43:57 holy and beloved, put on," what? 44:00 "Tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, 44:05 longsuffering, bearing with one another, 44:08 and forgiving one another, 44:12 if anyone has a complaint against another, 44:14 even as God forgave you, 44:16 so you also must do." 44:18 Did you see that? 44:20 As Christ has forgiven us, 44:21 freely extended that forgiveness to us, 44:25 you and I are called to extend that forgiveness 44:29 toward someone else. 44:31 The same thing is said in Ephesians 4:31-32. 44:35 "Let all bitterness, wrath, clamor, anger, 44:38 and evil speaking be put away from you, 44:40 with all malice. 44:42 And be kind one to another, tenderhearted, 44:46 forgiving one another, 44:47 even as God in Christ Jesus has forgiven you." 44:51 The same principle as Christ has forgiven us, 44:55 then we are to extend 44:57 that forgiveness to someone else. 45:00 Think about the Sermon on the Mount, Matthew, 45:03 turn with me to Matthew 6:14-15. 45:07 Matthew Chapter 6, of course, 45:08 Sermon on the Mount is Matthew 5, 6, 7, 45:11 but right sandwiched in the middle of there 45:13 is this passage, which... 45:15 When I used to read, it seemed pretty hard. 45:17 And it's the same concept 45:19 that we've been talking about here 45:20 in Colossians and in Ephesians. 45:22 Matthew 6:14-15. 45:25 "If you forgive men their trespasses, 45:29 your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 45:33 But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, 45:38 neither will your Father forgive 45:40 your trespasses." 45:43 What does that mean? 45:44 If we extend forgiveness to someone else, 45:47 God will forgive us, but if we hold on to grudges, 45:52 to bitterness, to unforgiveness 45:57 God cannot extend His forgiveness to us. 46:01 Now I used to think that was really harsh. 46:03 Why? 46:04 Is God not going to extend that forgiveness to me? 46:07 But the truth is God is not being mean 46:09 and He's not being harsh. 46:11 It's a kingdom principle. 46:13 If I don't open up my heart, 46:15 if I don't let Him come in and take out that bitterness 46:19 and that unforgiveness, 46:21 what am I doing? 46:22 I'm withholding part of me from God. 46:25 And I'm saying, 46:26 "I don't want you to have access 46:28 to that part of my heart." 46:31 And if I don't give Him access, then clearly He can't come in. 46:34 And clearly He can't change me. 46:37 Now I wanna talk for just a moment 46:39 about two types of offenses, our hurts in our lives. 46:45 I call them the first one. 46:47 Now this is just Jill's coining of the term. 46:50 I call them pretend or perceived slights. 46:53 Now you might say 46:54 what in the world are you talking about that? 46:56 What I'm saying is 46:57 I think sometimes we are too easily offended 47:01 and we are too easily hurt 47:03 when there is no offense intended. 47:07 So I could separate these things 47:10 into two categories 47:11 one would be these pretend or perceived slights 47:14 and over here on this side 47:15 is really real issues 47:17 that really do need forgiveness. 47:20 I don't know if you've ever met someone like that 47:23 where if you don't call them back 47:24 right away 47:26 or if you don't do 47:27 whatever that there is the spirit of offense. 47:30 What is a pretend or a perceived slight? 47:33 You ever walk in the hall? 47:35 I've done this. 47:36 Walk down the hall and someone passes you 47:38 and you say, "Hey, good morning." 47:40 And what if they don't look at you? 47:41 And what if they don't respond? 47:42 And what if they don't say anything? 47:44 And you think I must have offended them. 47:47 What if you call someone and they never call you back? 47:50 You wait a week, you wait two weeks, 47:51 you wait three, and you think 47:52 maybe they're mad at me? 47:54 What if you say he says he loves me, 47:56 but I don't really think he does? 47:58 She said there's nothing wrong, 48:00 but I'm not really sure. 48:01 He's been grumpy lately, 48:03 so I must have done something to offend him. 48:06 Those are what I called perceived or pretend slights. 48:11 Probably the fruit of an over active imagination, 48:16 or maybe too much attention turned inward to myself. 48:22 What's the solution for that? 48:24 Not necessarily forgiveness 48:26 'cause there's probably is nothing 48:28 that even needs forgiveness. 48:30 Solution for this, I think it's threefold. 48:32 Number one, think no evil. 48:36 1 Corinthians 13, 48:37 that beautiful chapter on love 48:39 and what God is and what His character is, 48:43 and who He is? 48:44 1 Corinthians 13:5, 48:47 "Love does not behave rudely, 48:51 it does not seek its own, it is not provoked, 48:55 it thinks no evil." 48:59 So the first solution 49:00 is just not to imagine the worst, 49:03 not to think the worst. 49:06 Second solution is to think on what is true. 49:08 Philippians 4:8. 49:09 Paul says, "Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, 49:14 whatsoever things are noble, whatsoever things are just, 49:18 whatsoever things are pure, and lovely enough, 49:21 good report, if there's any virtue, 49:23 if there's any praise, think on these things." 49:27 So we're called to think on what is true. 49:30 What does that mean? 49:32 That means if a person says, "Everything's good, Jill." 49:36 And I say, "Are you sure we're okay?" 49:38 Everything's good, 49:40 then we think on what is true 49:41 and I believe absolutely everything is okay. 49:45 Solution number three, 49:47 trust in the Lord or the other person. 49:49 To let you know, 49:51 to follow the Matthew 18 principle 49:53 and to come to you if there is any issue. 49:57 So the bottom line of all of that 49:59 these pretend or perceived slights 50:03 is to simply accept the words and actions 50:06 of other people at face value. 50:09 Now those are pretend or perceived slights, 50:11 but there are real offenses 50:13 and there are real abuse that really needs forgiveness. 50:18 You've probably experienced some of that in your own life. 50:20 Maybe someone has gossiped about you, or lied about you, 50:24 or betrayed you, or your kids, or your family. 50:28 Maybe they've stolen something from you. 50:30 Maybe someone in your family has experienced abuse 50:34 or verbal or physical or sexual abuse. 50:38 Forgiveness does not mean that 50:39 what the person did to us was right. 50:42 It simply frees us 50:44 from constantly being damaged by that person. 50:48 You see when we hold on to pain. 50:50 When we hold on to bitterness, 50:52 the only person we punish is ourselves. 50:56 Forgiveness allows God to open our hearts again, 51:01 to Him and to other people 51:03 so that we can experience His help, hope, and healing. 51:07 I think about Jesus on the cross. 51:08 This is definitely not a pretend 51:10 or perceived slight. 51:12 This is real. 51:13 Remember, when He stretched out His arms 51:15 and the nails were driven into His hands, 51:18 what did He say? 51:19 Luke 23:34. 51:22 He said, "Father, forgive them, 51:24 for they do not know what they are doing." 51:29 Father, forgive them. 51:32 Be intentional. 51:35 Make a choice, 51:36 to be someone that other people can trust, 51:40 to be someone who doesn't gossip 51:42 about other people, 51:43 to be someone that freely extends forgiveness 51:48 toward other people. 51:50 We are to be intentional, 51:52 be friendly, be kind, be honest, 51:56 be aware of the friends that you are associating with. 52:01 Be trustworthy, don't gossip, 52:04 extend forgiveness toward others. 52:07 And finally, number seven, be receptive. 52:11 Proverbs 27:17. 52:15 "As iron sharpens iron, 52:18 so a man sharpens the countenance of his friend." 52:24 What does that mean? 52:25 Literally it means 52:26 that other people help us to grow. 52:31 Other people speak into our hearts, 52:33 other people speak into our lives, 52:36 and they help us to grow. 52:37 How can other people help me along this journey? 52:41 If I'm humble, if I'm willing to be taught, 52:45 if I'm willing to accept help when I need it most, 52:50 that's where other people can speak into my life 52:54 and other people can help me in the midst of that journey. 52:58 Sometimes I don't know if you find this in your life, 53:00 but sometimes for me, it might seem easy to give, 53:05 but it's hard to accept, maybe hard to take, 53:09 be willing to accept help from other people. 53:13 Be willing to accept suggestions from other people 53:17 that's I'm trying to learn this. 53:19 Be willing to accept criticism from others, 53:22 and to see where you can grow. 53:26 Be intentional, make a choice to be receptive, 53:30 and allow other people 53:32 access into your heart and life. 53:34 Now, of course, 53:35 you want to be careful with this 53:37 and allow safe people and trustworthy people 53:41 to have access into your heart and into your life. 53:45 You know, some time ago, I went through one of those, 53:52 I would say dark experiences 53:55 where I was someone who preached the Word of God 53:59 and believed in claiming promises 54:02 from the Word of God. 54:03 And I taught women in congregations 54:06 that what the Word of God says is true. 54:08 And you can claim that. 54:11 And you can say, God, if I don't feel it, 54:12 I know You're still there. 54:14 And God if I don't know if I'm forgiving, 54:15 but I know that You have forgiven me. 54:17 And God, I know that 54:18 in You I can become a new creature in Christ Jesus. 54:22 And yet, in this time, when I walked through my life, 54:27 I couldn't hear His voice. 54:30 And I couldn't sense His presence. 54:34 And I didn't know where to find Him. 54:37 I mean, I knew, 54:38 I knew He was in the Word of God. 54:40 And I read and I felt like I got nowhere 54:42 and I prayed, 54:43 and it felt like my prayers just came back down around me 54:46 and I said, "God, I can't find You. 54:49 God, where are You? 54:52 God, I need You. 54:56 Why aren't you there?" 54:59 And it was at that moment 55:01 that one of my friends spoken to my life. 55:06 And they said, "You know, Jill. 55:08 If you for whatever reason can't get to Jesus, 55:14 let us carry you." 55:18 I think about the paralytic. 55:21 Remember, he couldn't get to Jesus. 55:25 He couldn't walk. 55:27 His legs didn't work. 55:29 I'm not even sure he could have crawled to Jesus. 55:32 And yet people who loved him 55:35 and who were willing to speak into his life said, 55:39 "Let's go to Jesus and will take you." 55:43 And so they picked up one on each corner of his mat, 55:47 and they carried him, and the building was crowded, 55:52 and they couldn't get through the door. 55:54 So they climbed to the roof and opened it up 55:57 and let the man down 55:59 through the roof right in front of Jesus. 56:04 Why? 56:05 Because they loved him 56:08 and they knew 56:09 he couldn't get there on his own. 56:12 Is there someone in your life you need to carry to Jesus? 56:18 Is there someone that God is calling you? 56:23 Someone who's lost, someone who's alone, 56:26 someone who cannot find His face anymore? 56:31 God says, "Would you pick up the mat? 56:33 And would you carry your friend to Jesus?" 56:37 Maybe you're the one on the stretcher 56:39 today and you're saying, "God, 56:41 I need someone to carry me right now to Jesus." 56:47 God calls us to live in community. 56:51 He calls us to join hands together 56:57 as we walk this road to glory. 56:59 Let's pray. 57:00 Father, we come before You right now. 57:04 God, we bring You our hearts. 57:06 We bring You our brokenness. 57:09 And I ask right now for my brothers and sisters 57:12 that You would bring someone into their lives 57:16 who can carry them to Jesus. 57:19 And God that You would enable us, 57:22 each one of us, 57:23 to be stretcher bearers 57:26 and carry our friends, our family, our neighbors, 57:31 and co-workers to You. 57:33 In Jesus' name. Amen. |
Revised 2020-07-23